Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Too much soda pop? Try some Burpees.

I'm a mid-western girl figuratively torn apart by this title. Here in the good old state of Michigan we call our carbonated beverages "pop".  That's it.  Just "pop."  No soda.  No soft drinks.  And certainly none of that "coke" nonsense that happens down south.*

*This is an actual conversation that occurred during a family vacation to Tennessee.
Waitress:  What kind of coke do y'all want?
Family Member:  Sprite, please.
Me: ... The heck?

Back to the title.  I love me some play on words, but I didn't want to confuse the rest of the world who doesn't understand that saying "pop" is way shorter than saying "soda" and therefore a considerably more efficient use of your time.  So I had to go with "soda pop" instead of "pop" which feels like a betrayal to my heritage.  It also brings the fear that I'm on the cusp of selling out because truly, where does the compromise end?

I had a thought about Fridays.  First, let's take a moment to say, "Farewell," to Facebook Fridays. We may revisit them at some point, but I want to introduce you to a new friend:  Foreign Language Fridays.  (Alliteration again?  How does she do it?)(I know.)

This is the idea.  You know how you go on Pinterest, and you see something like this:

and you're all, "I could totally do that.  I might finally get myself in shape.  This is totally doable. Who knew it could be this eas- wait.  What are Russian Twists?  Is that some kind of mixed drink? Now I have to google 'Russian Twists.'  Then I'll totally do this workout."  But you are a big fat liar because you will never google Russian Twists and this workout will get pinned on your Move It Pinterest Board and just sit there falsely shaping your identity to anyone who follows you.  Your whole life is now a lie, all because of your ignorance over Russian Twists.  But I am here to bring you hope; the Cold War is over, sister, and I can enlighten you.

This is where Foreign Language Friday comes in.  Every Friday I will attempt to define those terms that seem to exist only in the fitness world.  (Because seriously, everyone else in the world would assume a Russian Twist has some kind of vodka in it, amIright?)(Note to self:  It still could; business idea ... drunk circuit training?)

This will help alleviate those fears as being outed as someone who infrequently frequents any kind of exercise facility.  So, here is a little bit of knowledge that will hopefully transfer into a hardcore attitude that will propel you to strut your stuff at the gym.

Russian Twists

Sit in an inclined sit-up position/modified v-sit position.  (I totally just made up that terminology.)  Schwarzenegger arms and MJ crotch grab are optional. 
Fully twist right.  Mug for the camera.
Fully twist left.  Panic about back fat.
That is it.  That is all there is to a Russian Twist.  One twist is a full right to left rotation.  (Or left to right; no hate for the Southpaws.)

"But Kelly, that move is so easy.  Is there any way to make it harder?"
"Why, yes, of course there is."

You can modify by lifting your feet and using a medicine ball during your twists.  You can also twist your knees opposite your arms to up the challenge for your coordination.


Burpees are awesome.  They are a 4 count move.  

Count 1 : easiest exercise ever.  Just chill out.  Also fake smile because the two and five year old just got in a fight over who gets to play with the medicine ball.  
Count 2a.  Squat. Consider if there is any slenderizing way to take a photo in squat position.
Count 2b.  Jump back into plank.  Smile at the camera and don't think at all about your man triceps.  You are planking, y'all.
Count 3.  Jump back into a squat.  Or leap like a frog.  Because you are probably saying "Ribbit!" to keep the two year old happy.
Count 4.  Jump super high in the air.  Look at the sick height I got on that jump.  (In all fairness, my 9 year old photographer was the jam.  But the action shots are a bit out of her pay grade, youknowhatImean?)
That's it.  One full Burpee.  Now you can do 'em until you drop.  Goooooo Burpees!  (Say it like you're a cheerleader.)(Anyone will do.)(I personally picture Kelly Kapowski saying, "Gooooo Bayside" because Burpees interchanges nicely.)(But do whatever feels right.)

Happy Russian Twisting and Burpee-ing!  (At my new drunk gym they obviously go well together.) And Happy Friday - I'll see y'all Monday!


  1. that was great Kelly! I believe feeling secure and comfortable is one of the biggest obstacles to going to a gym...we all feel so goofy the first few times, right??? Super awesome of you to photograph the moves...great job!

    1. Thanks Megan! I felt like a foreign exchange student at first. "Um, sure I'll do a lunge ... just, what the heck is a lunge?"

  2. This whole post had me laughing out loud! Especially the exchange in Tennessee--I am right there with you, sister...the heck?!?!

    THANK YOU for explaining burpees to me! What a horrible name. I have avoided learning anything about them for that reason alone!

    And lastly--you look GREAT!!!

    1. Thank you! Eve and I had a blast taking pictures together, but we could've used your photographer's eye; I was going for the flowers in the background and Brian was all, "You had to highlight our ghetto grass?" Yep. I'm a "details" kind of person.

      Burpees - gotta love 'em.


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