However, sometimes I
Phlebotomist. |
Something about the care and precision it requires to be the designated Capri Sun Opener makes me feel like a phlebotomist.
Professional Talk Show Audience Member. |
I hoped with every step inside Walmart that Oprah would show up and buy me the diapers ... except when I was in the checkout line, and then I hoped she would buy me the diapers and a Snickers bar.
This is not me. But can you imagine how quickly my kids would listen to me if it was? "Eve, clean your room." Stuff would get done, y'all. |
After tonight's episode of American Idol, I firmly believe my life would be cooler with pyrotechnics and a fog machine.
Music teacher. |
7 year old Eve sang (with perfect intonation) the third, fifth, seventh, and octave above the sound of our neighbors leaf blower. I think I teared up in pride.
Olympian. Obviously. |
Totally just medaled in the Awesome Olympics for making vegan shortbread cookies. That's right, vegan shortbread cookies. Best. Mom. Ever.
Criminal. Like arresting the Easter Bunny. |
If you ever want to know what it feels like to be treated like a criminal, just try returning something to Meijer without a receipt. I almost offered to take a polygraph test. Sheesh.
Activist. |
Got out the Merck's Manual and looked under "Causes of heart attacks" for "Hey, Mom! Watch me do a somersault down this fifteen foot high twisty slide" and it wasn't listed. I'm thinking of writing the publisher ...
Schizophrenic. |
My conversation at the grocery store.
"Ohhhhh, strawberries."
"No, they aren't in season. We aren't paying $3.49 for a pound of strawberries."
"But they look so goooooooood."
"I know. They've probably been grown somewhere warm and shipped a million miles to look that good."
"And they smell so good. Please can we get them?"
"No. That's enough. Let's go."
Did I mention I was by myself?
Business Acumen = I have it. Have a great weekend - see y'all Monday!
No comments:
Post a Comment