Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Monday, June 23, 2014

95. 155. 165. The BootKemp Sessions - June

You wanna piece of Kemper?
Find him here.

Another month and another in-person training session with Kemper. Yes, there are pictures this time. Of me. Lifting a giant tire while I pretend Elliott Hulse's camera people are filming me. They are as lovely as you can imagine. And yes, I will post them.

You're welcome.

THE homemade chocolate cake.
And Esther.
Which one is sweeter? You decide.
(One is legit louder, though. No contest.)
I woke up incredibly early Friday in anticipation of my training session that night. I drank as much water as possible to flush out my birthday feast (update - I went for the bison burger instead of the black bean)(it was meh - the black bean burger is going to be hard to top)(unless you top it with the house-made red pepper mayo, spring mix, tomato, and red onion)(*insert rimshot here*). I felt the day craaaaawwwl by* as I waited for my dad in law to come over and babysit so I could head out.

(*A mid-morning playdate with my friend Jenny totally helped. She brought her girlies over with the plan to walk to the splash park, but it was chilly and raining when they arrived so instead we broke out the playdoh because I clearly wasn't thinking about five children under the age of six using playdoh.)

Due to fear about new road closures and traffic woes, I gave myself extra time for travel and arrived at Kemper's house really early. Instead of sitting in my car and working on the grocery list like I'd planned, I had to bum rush Kemper's door because mommy bladder. In my haste to get to the bathroom I *did* take a moment to appreciate that Kemper had Rage Against the Machine playing in the gym. He totally prepared for my session.

Since I was so early I had a few minutes to meet the family. I think most of Kemper's family has read my blog when he has been the star of the show. I've "talked" with his mom via Facebook comments before, and I full on proposed to his brother, so yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm invited to Christmas this year. Or at the very least I'll be included in the family portrait.

Kemper has a great family. They are the kind of people whose home you immediately feel at home in. They all genuinely like each other. I have been blessed in my life to know a few families who have really done it right. The parents put in the time and fought every fight during those hella hard hands-on parenting years in order to raise loving, happy, successful adults who still desire a relationship with their parents and siblings.

Kemper's parents are some of those people.

Because I'm a trained musician.
I could have stayed and talked forever. His mom and dad are so encouraging, and his older brother Oscar (who is super fine and single, ladies) has a degree in music just like me. In fact, the whole family is musical - his mom sings, his dad plays bass, Oscar plays guitar, Kemper is a drummer, and his little sister plays piano. There will be a collaborative jam session in our future. (I will contribute vocals and random offbeat air drumming.)(Although? My air drumming is about 95% passion and 5% rhythm, which is definitely the proper ratio of an excellent air drummer.)

Kemper started our session with a quick chat about my strength training. I have been building a strength base and am ready to get stronger. Kemper wanted to take a few minutes to get my max lifting weights for a few lifts - bench press, squat, and deadlift - before he put together a 4-6 week individualized plan to turn me into a meathead get me some gainz.

After a warm up, I did some stretches with bands to get my shoulders ready to bench press, and then the real fun began.

I have done bench press less than five times in my whole life. Trainer Dan taught me a few weeks ago, and then Trainer Mike did them with me twice. I've never benched more than 65 pounds and that felt seriously heavy. Kemper went over proper bench press form, stressing to keep my entire body tight to support the lift. He showed me how to pull my shoulder blades together, where to place my hands on the bar, and how to breathe. He had me do the empty bar a few times, and then, in true Kemper style, he started piling on weight.

Guys? I benched 95 pounds.

Just victims of the in-house drive by
They say jump squat, you say how high low.
After bench press came SQUATTING. Kemper taught me to squat about five weeks ago. The most I have ever squatted is 115 pounds. But with a little help from Kemper standing behind me saying things like, "Power!", "Push!", and "Keep your core tight!" (and, I kid you not, Bullet In The Head perfectly cued up for my heaviest lift*) I squatted 155 - twice.

(*After squatting Kemper and I had the most adorable conversation that was a totally fitting way to celebrate the day after my 35th birthday. It went something like this.

-The fifth most awesome song comes on-

Kelly: This is the best music. Did you find some "alternative hits of the 90s" station?
Kemper: Yeah. It's called Gorilla Radio. (Guerilla Radio?)
Kelly: Do you know any of these songs?
Kemper: I know some of the Rage Against the Machine songs because we covered a few of their songs. (Because he's a drummer, remember?)
Kelly: But nothing else? (Guys, there was some totally classic stuff played: Beastie Boys, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, etc.)
Kemper: Not really. It was a bit before my time.

Kemper is 22.
And I'm officially old.)

Even with feeling ancient by the time we got to deadlifting I felt like the most powerfully strong aged 35 year old stay at home mother on Kemper's block IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I was so full of jacked up energy (and I mean that as a normal adult knows "jacked" and not like a meathead knows "jacked") I just wanted to jump up and down and #liftalltheheavythings FOREVER.

Previous deadlift PR - 125. With Kemper? 165 - twice.

Weight lifting is so seriously addictive. It is the most fun thing I have done in a really long time. More fun than a night with Needtobreathe. There, I said it. (In fact, if you check the dates, I actually missed the Detroit Needtobreathe show because their ticket prices became astronomical in order to go to this very training session.)

I feel amazing when I lift. I feel strong. I feel capable. I constantly feel pushed beyond my comfort level, and I feel there is so much more to learn. I love the effect on both my body and mind. I teenage girl super bubble heart weight lifting.

After Kemper had my max weights written down, we used the rest of the session for a circuit of 6 tire lifts, 30 seconds ropes, 30 seconds rest, repeat 2-3 times. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are the lovely pics Kemper took during our session.

"Hey Kel, did you get that shirt at Costco for the bargain price of $9?"
"Why yes, I certainly did. Because fashionista."
(Also, I love this pic because dat baby tricep and baby calf)

"Kel, I'd feel a lot better if I knew you were exhaling on the lift. Too bad there's no way to check ..."
"Don't you fret, Kemper totally got a pic of my 'breathing out' face."
(dat baby calf and dem NECK VEINS)

I was all sorts of bruised and sore from that tire. I loved it.

"I wish Kelly were so skilled in technological arts that she could only figure out how to take a selfie in the mirror with her iPad. It would be even better if she didn't bother to crop the resulting photo and allowed everyone to see the reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror."

Since Friday night, Kemper has emailed me and I now have in my possession a 4-6 week strength training program. It's a 5x5 program and is filled with seriously heavy lifting. I'm not gonna lie, it scares the bejeebers out of me. It intimidates me so much on paper that I can only mentally take one day at a time as I try to work it out. What I'm going to focus on is what is going to happen with my body after 4-6 weeks of following this plan.

I am seriously stoked to find out.


  1. Holy crap, look at those guns!!!! You are hard-core and awesome!

    And here I was feeling stoked cuz I can bench press 30 pounds, lol!! ;) You are the WOMAN!!

    PS: If you are old, I am dead.

  2. Dannnggg check out dat muscle!! You getting swole, girlfriend! The worst bruise's to date are from tire flipping. I seriously looked like a tweeker. But it's FUN!


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