Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

This is 33

We started our holiday weekend off with a bang.  Well, more a scream, followed with intense crying, and soothed with snuggles, an ice pack, and butterfly bandages.  When that proved insufficient (the butterfly bandages, not the snuggles)(the snuggles kicked A)(I'm a really good snuggler), Ezra and I headed to Urgent Care at 8:30 p.m. to see if stitches were in order for his wicked head wound that was a result of him being a boy.

As always, I was thoroughly impressed with the staff at our Urgent Care.  They could have moved a bit more quickly (we were in and out in a "speedy" three hours) but they did everything they could to make it easier for a two year old who was up waaaay past bedtime and bleeding from his forehead.  They opened up the trauma room with the VHS player (hilarious)(good thing I'm a child of the 80's and knew how to work it)(no diggity) and once Ezra saw how many choices were at his disposal, he exercised his right as the injured to choose a new movie every ten minutes or so.

"Mom, selfies are laaaaame."
The nurses doctored Mama first so Ezra could see everything that was going to be done to him before they did it.  They gave him time to play with the Papoose Board before he was strapped in.  The doctor that stitched him up choose not to drape his face because it would be scary for him to be all bound up and not be able to see.  Everyone kept commenting on how sweet and cheerful he is.  (Totally true, but hey, I'm a bit biased.)

In the end, Ezra was the proud owner of his first three stitches.  We collapsed at home around midnight.  I fully expected to sleep in the next morning, but darling boy had other plans.


Homeboy was wide awake at 7:00 a.m.  We had plans to hit Greenfield Village for their special Civil War Remembrance Weekend at 9:30.  We made it there around 11:00 because we have four kids and ain't nobody got time for getting anywhere on time with that mess.

The Civil War Remembrance Weekend was an epiphany for me.  There are people out there who, as a hobby, reenact the Civil War battles and lifestyle.  They were all there, volunteering their time.  They dress up in authentic clothing (all hand-stitched!) and stay all weekend in tents.  It's like if you combined camping with Halloween with the nineteenth century.  It was super cool to see, but since we know what an awesome camper I am, and how much I appreciate electricity and my microwave, it totally wouldn't be my thing.  I ran into a friend from college who was there with her whole extended family; they reenact every year.  This was the first year she included her two year old (who was adorable all dressed up).

Brian was all, "I did smile."
After taking out a personal loan to afford a snack stand lunch (but we found food Hosanna could eat which was rad) we watched a short play of slave narratives, heard the cannons fire, and rode the train. The girlies enjoyed a fashion show and a blacksmith made them all rings out of nails.  It was a gorgeous day and we stayed longer than we planned.  After walking around all day long, the kiddos crashed and we all slept well after we ate ice cream for dinner.

Sunday we headed off to church in separate cars because I'm married to the Best Man in the World who arranged a whole day of childcare so we could celebrate our anniversary for nine hours.  After church we handed over the car keys to the Amazing Grace H., who took the kiddos home with her (because she has 11 brothers and sisters my kiddos all love to play with)(and a giant dirt pit in her backyard)(it's pretty much a childhood utopia) and Brian and I had a whole day together.  The only rule was that we couldn't talk about the kids. I was reminded that my husband is hilarious and my best friend. We ate at Moe's for lunch, saw a horrible movie, went grocery shopping, and then ate at my favorite (local) restaurant for dinner.  We came home and had a nice talk*.

*for those of you who read Katie's blog. ;-)

Memorial Day was so relaxing.  I stayed in my jammies until 10:00 a.m.  Our friend Leah came over to borrow a car for the short while until she leaves to go do her missionary thing in Ireland.  I greeted her fresh from the shower with my hair still in a towel. I was a vision of loveliness.

After lunch I was excited to do my favorite thing in the whole world.  My friend Rachel (not Sister Wife Rachel)(this is Rachel Who Looks Like Meg Ryan) invited me over to help organize her house.  Brian and the kiddos teamed up with her husband Shaun and their kiddos (they have three girls and a boy as well) and they all left so we could get some work done.  We worked for almost three solid hours and tackled the basement.  It was bliss for me.  My heart seriously leaps whenever I get to fill a giveaway box.

The menfolk returned from their adventures with the offspring (a little bird told me McDonald's playland may have been involved)(but only because it was pouring rain so they had to leave the botanical gardens) and we BBQ'd and feasted together.  I brought meat and dessert, and Rachel made everything else (including her amazing slow cooker baked beans)(which I probably brought home and ate for lunch yesterday)(and maybe breakfast, too).

And now, honestly, I need a vacation after my vacation weekend.  Happy Humpday, y'all!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Case of the Mondays: Grab some Kleenex Edition

I am forever grateful for the daily sacrifices made by the men and women who serve in our armed forces.  Freedom isn't free; thank you for fighting for mine. 

May you all come home safe and sound.  

Friday, May 24, 2013

"I'm Brian, the Other White Meat."

A totally cropped, scrapbooked, un-scrapbooked, and scanned wedding pic.  Keepin' it professional up in here.
Also, tru luv.
The hubs and I are celebrating twelve years of wedded bliss on Sunday.  Twelve years!  We are officially "tweens".  So I suppose we should buy some Bieber bedding. Here is our story.

Shawn - Rock Star Extraordinaire
and Super Cute Boy who is now
married to a gorgeous woman and
has two gorgeous kiddos. Sorry, ladies.
Once upon a time, an awesome teenager named Kelly went to a club to hear bad punk rock.  She was fickle and boy crazy (and had a horrendous haircut) and saw a Super Cute Boy over by the stage.  She made her way over and started talking to this boy.  His name was Shawn and he was pleased to make her acquaintance and oh, she studied music at Wayne State University in Detroit? How funny - his best friend Brian was going there in the fall to study music!

In the fall, Kelly could not wait to meet Brian because he was the gateway to Shawn. In fact, she included, "You're Shawn's friend!" in their very first conversation.  Brian indeed was Shawn's friend, and he was funny and liked good music except when it comes to Needtobreathe but that's mostly because he's jealous of Bear.

1998, y'all.
One day, after having discussed their mutual love for the band Sunny Day Real Estate and the upcoming sold out show to which Brian had a ticket and Kelly did not, Brian turned to Kelly and handed her his concert ticket.  He said, "The Lord told me to give this to you."  Kelly, thinking he said "Laura told me ..." answered back, "Well, does she want any money for it?" (This would foreshadow years of amazing communication skills and Kelly's bat-like sense of hearing.) Upon learning the origin of the gift was a suggestion of Jesus and not Laura, Kelly's first thought was, "The Lord talks to you? Whatever, Psycho." (This did not stop her from accepting the gift and has fully cemented the life long philosophy that if people offer you free stuff you want, you should undoubtedly take it, because it might just lead to love, marriage, and a baby (or four) in a baby carriage.)

Kelly went to the concert and, more importantly, learned the Lord actually talks to everyone. She eventually learned to listen.

Brian wooed Kelly with pick up line gems like, "I'm Brian, the Other White Meat."  This was the height of the Great Pork Campaign (editor note: I don't remember that being a *thing* either) and was delivered with just enough ridiculousness to make it awesome and win her heart.

Brian and Kelly were engaged in June of 1999 and would rather die a thousand deaths than plan a wedding again.  If either of them kicks the bucket, the other solemnly swears to remarry only by eloping.  (But only the kind of eloping to which everyone is invited.)(But with no planning involved.)(Like, "Hey, what are you doing right now? Come watch us get married.  Then maybe we'll all go to Taco Bell.")(Because they are classy.)

Shower #1
Shower #2
Kelly enjoyed three wedding showers, while poor Brian only got to show up at the end and collect the gifts to transport home.  He did make out pretty well at the second shower, where his parents gave them a weedwacker, garbage cans, and a grill. And also maybe at the bachelorette party because, let's be real, most of those gifts were really for him anyway.

The wedding was beautiful mainly because Kelly's mom is an Ebay Master.  It rained, but hey, you can't buy everything on Ebay. To this day Brian can not tell you one detail about his wedding ceremony or the reception that followed, but since that is obviously a result of him being beyond in love with his bride, he is given a pass on the memories of the Day That Changed Bettered His Life Forever. Good thing there are so many pictures to jog that memory.

From left: Jackie, Lisa, Eboni, Ringbearer Grifin, MOH/sister Cassie, Kelly, Brian, BM Kevin, Super Cute Boy Shawn (isn't it ironic?)(don'tcha think?), Lauren's Hubby David, and little brother Steve. (And dude, it was totally 2001.)

Twelve years in pictures: (don't worry; it's greatly summarized)

July 1999 Engaged

Eve is born and Hosanna is due to arrive in less than two months.

Hosanna is born with a dainty birth weight of eleven pounds, three ounces.

Esther joins the family.

A boy?! Ezra joins the brood.
Brian hates this picture.
Maybe because Kelly made him wear that shirt.

The whole family at Disney World.

And they lived happily ever after.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Highway to the Danger Zone

When your two year old is supposed to be asleep but yells frantically from his bed, go check on him. 

"Mommaaaaaaaaaa!" (Totally picture this without the nuk.)(I am reenacting this with photos for you.)(Photos I already had that were not in anyway involved originally with this experience.)(Authentic blogging = you're welcome.)

When you run in there and the fruit of your womb is sitting on the bedroom floor grabbing his crotch while saying, "LIGHTNING!" do not chalk it up to just another boy with inflated feelings about his manhood.  

"LIGHTNING!" (Picture crying and a pelvic thrust and a crotch grab.)(Otherwise this exact face.)

What he is trying to tell you is that he shoved his Lightning McQueen matchbox car into his diaper and can not get it out.  And it's probably covered with diaper rash creme.  Because how else could that situation be any more fun?

"Being a mom is awesome, isn't it, Momma?  ... Right? ... Momma?"

In redemptive news, this happened.

Best haircut ever.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Case of the Mondays: Dutch Oven *THIS*, Dude.

Sometimes I have to remind Brian that I am quite the catch.  This is one of the ways I affirm that sentiment.

Deborah Burns accused of stabbing boyfriend who 'farted in her face'

Southwest Fla. woman faces charge of aggravated battery with deadly weapon

UPDATED 11:54 AM EDT May 14, 2013

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Deborah Burns
Deborah Burns faces a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

IMMOKALEE, Fla. —A southwest Florida woman is accused of stabbing her boyfriend after he "farted in her face," the Collier County Sheriff's Office said.

Deborah Burns, 37, said she was watching television with her boyfriend, Willie Butler, at their Immokalee home last week when Butler "walked by her and farted in her face," according to the arrest report.
When Burns confronted Butler about the fart, he became agitated and told her to shut up, the report added.
A confrontation ensued, and Butler chased Burns into the kitchen, where he picked up a knife and threw it at her, but he missed, the report stated. Burns then picked up the knife and threw it at him as he ran outside, striking him in the stomach, the report said.
Burns,whose occupation was listed as an unemployed prostitute on the Collier County Sheriff's Office booking blotter, was arrested on a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. She was being held at the county jail on $50,000 bond.

Read more:

Everyone has their limit.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Hangovers and Races and Needing To Breathe

Lesson of the day:  The best way to handle those who are not naturally morning people is to treat them as if they are hungover.  Even if they are not.  Because they kind of are - they are still working off the effects of the previous evening.  So while you might think it's quite natural to be boisterous and loud as heck upbeat and cheerful first thing in the morning (even after only 4 hours sleep), and maybe even assume your demeanor in the dawn light is an admirable quality, that is not always the case.

Such was the lesson on a Saturday morning.

After the wonderment of NEEDTOBREATHE, Lauren and I drove off into the sunset (okay, it was like 1:30 in the morning) with one thing on our minds: McDonalds.  We drove to three or four before we found one open at that hour.  I was all, "The heck? This side of town cares a lot about making healthy choices hates freedom and doesn't want their citizens to have access to a 2:00 a.m. McFlurry.  What kind of fascism is this?"  But through perseverance we found a drive thru to meet our needs and settled into the parking lot to nosh and chat.  It felt a lot like high school, except without the "I hope I don't get caught" aspect.  Because, you know, I'm the mom now.

I slept over at Lauren's house (furthering the whole "high school" feel) because the next morning we were going to run a 5k together. We went to bed around 2:45-ish. Lauren was going to wake me at 7:45.  This is how that went.

Lauren (hesitant and gravelly voiced): Kel? It's morning.

Kelly: GOOOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!! (Okay, it was really like, "Good morning!" peppered with two stories of things that had happened during the three hours we had been apart and sleeping.)(One was that my phone died a slow and vocal death between 5:00 - 5:40 a.m.)(The second was that I woke up in a panic because we were *obviously* late because I was much too rested to have only slept our allotted time, so I sneaked downstairs to find a clock because my phone was dead, but I didn't want to disturb Diamond the dog and/or David the husband, but it was only 6:11 a.m.)(I shared both stories in my usual manner and ended with, "Cool, I think Imma take a shower.")(Lauren looked at me in awe bewilderment and went back to bed.)

I only noticed a difference in our morning personalities when I was standing at the toaster (singing a made up song in my head of "toastin' some toast in the toooooaaaaster ... gonna put on some peanut buuuuuuutter") and Lauren said, "Are you always this happy in the morning?" and I was like, "Yes." This was when I realized Lauren had a Not A Morning Person Hangover and I should probably chill the heck out and eat my toast respectfully.

We drove to my mom's house because that's where we were going to park, but discovered the race was farther away then I previously thought.  We parked closer to the race and walked to get our race packets.  I originally wanted to do the pre-race yoga session they offered, but with our late night and someone's hangover it was probably best we skipped it.

When the race started, I warned Lauren it would be congested and we would both dodge people and have people dodge us.  It thinned out after about a quarter of a mile and was a great run.  It was mainly through neighborhoods and the weather was perfect.  There were two water stations and a lot of volunteers cheering us on.  Since the race benefited mental health awareness and suicide prevention, the course was lined with signs filled with facts and statistics relating to the cause.

I heard the first f-bomb at the Mile 1 marker.  It totally wasn't from Lauren.  She did fantastic.  Her goal was to run the whole thing and she did.  She even sprinted to the finish line.  I still haven't found our official results anywhere, but the sprint to the finish was to beat 40 minutes, so, accounting for our starting place in the mob of racers, I'll bet we averaged about a 11:45ish mile. I am so happy and proud she did it! The next obvious step is to convince her to do Warrior Dash.

Yeah we totally just ran a 5k. #selfiesatthefinish

Also, because this is super fun, here is a picture my friend Meggan tagged me in on Facebook.  She found it on the Royal Oak Music Theatre FB page from the night Needtobreathe played.  Photo is by Joe Gall Photography.

Front row? Check.  Huge smiles? Check.  Looking like I'm naked?  Aaaand check.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Reasons I haven't blogged in a week

Ohmylanta, I can't remember the last time I took an unscheduled week off from blogging. (Please tell me you noticed.)(Or at least lie to make me feel better.) Here are the official Reasons I Haven't Blogged in a Week.

1. This dude ...

"Yeah, I'm two and a half and that's a nuk.  Try to take it away and I'll cut you."

... got pinkeye.  This manifested first as swollen eyes that I diagnosed as allergies and treated with Benadryl. Then sweet baby boy woke up crying during the last ten minutes of Safe Haven starring Josh Duhamel, which dictated I pause the movie to check on the kid, discover the telltale eye goo, and dose him with the leftover pinkeye medicine we keep on hand because I am a good mother who would totally notice right away if our pinkeye medicine expired in January, and not after I'd already administered two doses.  (Good thing I also have no shame when it comes to committing the cardinal sin of parenting as is involved with pediatric medicine.)(Otherwise I would have felt terrible asking our doctor to have a "quick look at Ezra" during Eve's ten year old check up appointment.)(What I really meant was "can you please just prescribe some more medicine for this awesome case of pinkeye we have going on?" because by the fourth kid you do not need a degree in medicine to know conjunctivitis.)

Normally pinkeye would not affect this blog in the slightest except that Friday morning is prime "finish writing so I can post" time, but Ezra was committed to using my time otherwise. Ezra's plans included Mama "sleeping" in his bed while he spent the next hour and a half kicking her in the arm pits.

Mama: Dude.  That's enough. Go to sleep.
Ezra: *giggle* No, no, Mama.

It was an awesome night that did not include much sleep. I chose to sleep in rather than blather away incoherently here.  You're welcome.

2. This girl ...

Me and Cassie.  She has handcuffs and a gun.  Plus she was totally recognized for her squad car driving skillz.

... is now fully 5-0.  My baby sister graduated from the Police Academy!  So what I'm saying is that you shouldn't mess with me.  Because I know people that could mess your shizz up with parking tickets.

Cassie's graduation ceremony was Friday night, and my mom hosted a party for her on Saturday. My brother Steve came in from Chicago for the weekend and he brought his lady Natalia (who is awesome and brought all the kiddos presents from her recent work travels to India and Dubai).  I ate waaaaay too much pizza and one and a half pieces of cake. Plus Cassie's mom-in-law made this amazing salad that I convinced myself was healthy because it was loaded with veggies (and maybe a tiny bit of dressing)(you know, where "tiny" means "the peas are floating in it").

Me, Brian, Steve, Natalia, Cassie and her husband Andy

3. Mother's Day ...

I'm a mom.  That's why I am grocery shopping at 6:00 a.m. on Mother's Day.

... totally happened.  I did not sleep in or get breakfast in bed which is tradition at our house (although I totally bought myself Tim Horton's so don't worry, the tummy was taken care of) but I did get some sweet cards with a lot of homemade coupons (including one for a bike tune-up = score!) so I made out okay.  The best part of Mother's Day was that after church we got in the car and drove to OHIO.  (Awww yeah.)  Why Ohio?  Because that's the home of Kalahari Water Park.

This ride is called the Cheetah Race.  You ride this whole thing face first on your stomach while laying on a mat.  It has a lot of enclosed tubes that start five stories up and circle around on the way down before that drop at the end.  I went on this once.  It involved me getting stuck at the top and the teenage lifeguard in charge of telling us when to go shouting, "STAY ON YOUR BELLY" while everyone in line watched me try to propel myself down the chute by flopping around on the mat.  It made me feel vaguely like I was in a porno and I never rode it again.  (P.S. I didn't know how to spell "vaguely" and it autocorrected to "vaginally" which was at least in the ballpark with the other words in that sentence.)(Well done, Autocorrect.) 

We spent two days frolicking in the water.  Ezra and Esther loved the baby pool and the wave pool and Eve and Hosanna loved the many slides.  I loved the Lazy River because I'm a thrill seeker like that. I will write more about Kalahari later because I have seen too many awesome things to sum up in a little blurb right now.  (Just try to imagine the tattoos I've been exposed to this week.)

Sorry I've been MIA, but it's back to normal life from here on out. I'll see you Friday!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

A whole night where I am reminded that I can't dance (and lessons on how to fake it 'til you make it)

There is this band called Needtobreathe that I kinda sorta like and loosely keep tabs on.


I am an obsessed super fan who pays actual money (in a world where money usually buys things like, I don't know, food and diapers) to belong to their fan club and have first dibs on ticket sales and insider news.  It is totally worth it.  Dinner is overrated.

I have been planning to see Needtobreathe on their Drive All Night Tour since before I knew it existed.  I didn't start making concrete plans (like what I was going to wear) until the dates had been announced.  I got tickets immediately because I know people pre-order them.  

Friday night was the big night.  I prepared by barely sleeping and then painting my toenails.

A lovely shade called "What are you - fifteen?!" (I read something on the internet about the shape of your toes revealing your heritage.) (According to the internet - which never lies - I'm totally Egyptian.) (Which explains why every time I participate in a dance off I end up walking like one.) (#80'skid)
(Raise your hand if you read that hashtag with the word skid in it.)
(You are a true 80's kid if you read "skid" and thought of pants.)
(You are normal if you read "skid" and thought of poop.)
(If you read "skid" and thought of tire marks, you are probably a bad driver.)

Brian came home early and I scurried to get dressed.  This caused a minor panic because the outfit I had been planning on wearing for months was no longer appropriate for the weather. I thought I could pull it off anyway but it was almost 80 degrees in Michigan in May. (WTHeck, weather?  Didn't you get the memo that Needtobreathe was coming and I needed to wear that super cute dress with my brown jacket and boots?)  I threw together an outfit just to get out the door on time.  Traffic is no joke on that side of town (I can hear my California readers laughing already, "Bless her heart, she has no idea what traffic is really like, how cute...") and I was going to meet Lauren for dinner before the show.

Aside from a ridiculous amount of gawker delay (for real - who hasn't seen an abandoned car with no tire chilling out on the shoulder before?) and a moment where I almost wet my pants because I pee when I am nervous/stressed/excited the ride was uneventful.  I parked my car and walked past the venue to go to eat and the line was already around the block and down the street.  I was weirdly proud (I mean, these have been my boys for years)(way before anyone else ever heard of them)(*pushes up nerd glasses, adjusts ironic t-shirt, and takes instagram picture of an iced coffee and bagel belt*) and I was not freaking out about the line because I had Special Insider Priority Access.

Lauren and I ate the most disappointing dinner ever at a crepe place ("What, Kel? A crepe dinner in suburban Detroit was not up to par?" Shocking, I know.)(Don't worry, we totally made up for it with a 2:00 a.m. McDonald's run.)  At the theater we got in our Special Insider Priority Access line at about 7:15 p.m.  We were about fourth in line for 8:00 doors. I felt slightly bad for the people that showed up at noon for front row that did not have Priority Access, but not enough to give up my spot. Don't hate the player ...

This picture was stolen borrowed from NTB's facebook page.  It was taken by @niklpro on Instagram. The fancy work in Paint was done by yours truly. Don't be too jealous. 

Proof I'm up front and proof I don't know how to use my camera.

Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors opened the show at 9:00. (This is how I know I am getting old: around 8:30 I started thinking about how long the night was going to be.  I started doing squats to relieve the pressure on my lower back from standing for so long.  I calculated hours of sleep based on estimated time of arrival in bed. I started wondering why venues didn't offer collapsible stools for patrons who pay good money to wait in the front row. I started resenting the bouncer for getting to rest his tush on the edge of the stage. I wondered if I could ever get a job as a bouncer. I realized I'm a stay at home mom jealous of a bouncer for sitting down.  Aaaannnd = age fully realized.)

Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors - Rich, Ellie, Drew, and Nathan
We saw Drew Holcomb at the last NTB show.  Drew Holcomb was solo then, because he was filling in last minute and the rest of his band was back in Tennessee.  Lauren bought me three of their cd's and I really like them.  I was looking forward to seeing the whole band perform. They did not disappoint.  The guitarist, Nathan Dugger, is sick talented, and looks like Jim from The Office.  He also plays keyboards and the boy knows music. Ellie is Drew's wife and they are lovely together.  They did a duet and shared one mic and it was poignant.  I would see them headline.

Needtobreathe went on around 10:00.  They opened semi-acoustically, with a bass drum and a few percussion instruments, an upright bass, and a few guitars.  It was different, because usually they open big with one of their anthem-like songs.  It worked though, and three songs in when the curtain behind them dropped and revealed the rest of the stage everyone freaked the heck out and rocked out with them.

Photo courtesy of Josh Drake Photography because all my pics are terrible.

They played a ton of my favorites. I danced and sang my heart out. (Confession = whenever I am singing and catch one of the band member's eyes, I become totally focused on singing the correct words and always mess them up. Every.single.time. So now, as a preventative, if I catch their eye I fake sneeze or itch my nose, effectively hiding my mouth.)(I'm pretty sure NTB thinks I have the worst allergies ever.)

(*Also, a confession for fun = since I was a music major in college, I am pretty in tune (*giggle*) with my own voice. So I know that I absolutely can not "WOOOOO!" at all.  It doesn't matter if it's a sporting event I'm cheering on, a concert I am celebrating ... my "WOOO!" is thin and pathetic. But in the spirit of The Articulation of Excitement, I totally lip sync a "WOOOO!" whenever other people are screaming it.)(The secret is in the commitment to the "WOOOO!" facial expression.)(So if you suck at "WOOOO!"-ing, feel free to use my trick.)(Nobody ever knows you're faking it.)(You're welcome.)

Needtobreathe played for a good two hours. It was a fantastic show; maybe even their best so far.  How does a frequently touring band keep their music and live show so fresh? They are just amazing.

And after the show this happened.

I'd like to be all, "I'm not really that short in real life," but um, I'm totally that short in real life.

Lauren, ROCK LEGEND Bear Rinehart, and me.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Case of the Mondays: Recovery

I'm not afraid.
Guess what was awesome around here?  My weekend.  I had such a great weekend that I am now in full-on recovery mode. Totally like Eminem but without, you know, the substance abuse. I plan to recap my Friday night with NEEDTOBREATHE on Wednesday, so prepare for the awesomeness that will come your way then, because there's probably going to be a picture of me with the band.  Saturday morning I ran alongside Lauren as she participated in her first 5k ever and didn't walk even once.  She was a rock star in the most athletic way possible that has nothing to do with actual music. Sunday was a mix of church*, cleaning**, and a power nap, and finally capped off with WT "sirloin" burgers (pre-made ground beef patties sandwiched by sliced sirloin). (Brian was in ghetto heaven.)

(*My favorite part at church was that mid-sermon someone opened the windows (because spring has finally arrived in Michigan!) prompting Brian to lean over and ask a freaking million times if I smelled Subway until I finally whispered back, "It's my new deodorant." (Totally not true, it was probably Subway, but it shut him up.)(Until four seconds later when we went back and forth exchanging possible names for Subway deodorant.)(I'm pretty sure I won with "Cold Cut Trio" because it offers three layers of protection.)

Sorry, Babe, but my name just knocked yours the heck out.

(**My favorite part of cleaning was that Brian committed to doing the yard work Sunday afternoon.  This involved him cutting the grass and the kiddos emptying the garage of everything we own and strewing it about the neighborhood. I worked diligently inside until I found the kitchen counter.  We went to bed exhausted and earned our deep slumber.  Upon leaving the house this morning Brian discovered that not only did we leave the garage door open all night, but we also left the van in the driveway with the windows down and the keys in the ignition. Because we are responsible and take care of our stuff.)

So, in view of my uber busy weekend, here is a super short version of a Case of the Mondays post.  I'm pretty sure it won't make any sense, but continuity makes me happy and this is my blog.  So there.

Which leads me to...

I'm pretty sure Eminem and Taylor Swift would never date, but I'd love to hear the breakup albums.

"She tied Taylor Swift to Eminem? How does she do it?"  Six degrees of Pinterest, y'all.  Starting with Marshall, ending with Marshall. Full circle. Boom. Happy Monday.

Friday, May 3, 2013

I can't catch my breath because I ...


If you missed the post(s) about my experiences with ROCK LEGENDS Needtobreathe, you should probably read my first one here to fully understand all that I am saying when I declare the following:

I am going to see Needtobreathe tonight.

Don't wait up, y'all.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


I have great respect for the elderly.  They have a wealth of experience and the fruit of wisdom borne from years of revelation and reflection.  Many have lived through tumultuous decades; they've lived through wars, changing political/economical/social/moral climates, and celebrated life and death several times over, welcoming new souls birthed and grieving old friends and family that pass away.

There is perspicacity in eyes that have observed seventy years on earth.

On Monday night I was privileged to interact with one of our elder citizens.  I was leaving the gym after having finished an amazing workout.  Included in my workout was two miles of interval runs.  For non-runners, it simply means that I am on the treadmill for about twenty minutes and every other minute is really, really fast.  Because this run is so short and my brain is so focused on setting the correct speed, the time flies by.  I usually end up working hard without suffering the mental challenge runners sometimes have to endure.  It is a rewarding end to my day; I feel accomplished, healthy, and I probably step off the treadmill with more than my share of swagger in my step.

There is something about feeling amazing about yourself and life that makes you freaking love everyone around you.  The sun shines brighter, Macklemore is always on the radio (I still love Thrift Shop, I just can't help it*), and Tim Horton's finally sponsors your blog but pays you in free Iced Capp for life. (Am I underachieving in my imaginary Utopian life? Please don't answer that.)

I was in this state of mind as I was leaving the gym.  Contributing to my "I just kicked that workout's tush" attitude was the mild temperatures that have finally embraced the calendar's idea that it is spring.  As I was exiting the fitness center, I decided to hold the door for a woman entering with a toddler.  As she thanked me I noticed another person not too far away and continued to hold the door because the weather was gorgeous and I was flying high as the best athlete in the history of the world ever in my head only. In the distance I saw an older woman approaching, and I thought, "Hey, I'll just chill here and wait to open the door for her because that is what people who love other people do."

As this elderly woman drew nearer, I opened the door.  She looked me up and down and said, "Have you been running?"

See? Elderly people = totally wise.

I answered, "Yes, ma'am.  You can tell?"

She replied, "Yes, well, you really smell."

Old people. Yeeaaahhh.

*extra story for free = I really love the song Thrift Shop and maybe once or twice my children have totally on accident heard the radio friendly clean version when I purposefully left it on in the car.  Thankfully my kiddos are really innocent and naive, because I've never had to explain what "being swindled and pimped" or what "tricked by a biz-ness" means.  Turns out they already had some idea, because Eve was really worried all April Fool's Day that we were literally going to be tricked by a business.  She wouldn't let us shop anywhere.  P.S. I love being a parent.
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