Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I've got interviews ALL DAY LONG

The number one keyword search that brings people to my blog by a wide margin is "David Letterman".  I owe the man a lot, people.  I mean, first he set me up with a fairly lucrative correspondence position on his show which doesn't really exist, and now he is boosting the ratings of my personal blog that I do in my spare time for fun.  What's next, Dave?  Are you going to send me to Disney World because I'm pretty sure I could be an amazing Disney Princess*?

*I've given this some thought.  And by that I mean it's occurring to me right this second that I would be an awesome Disney Princess.  I could be "Kelly - the Disney Princess who Lost 100 Pounds After Having Four Kids" (we might need to spend some time thinking of a pithier alternative title - totally open for suggestions).  I would be a Disney Princess aimed at the Mom demographic, which has to be an astronomically huge contributor to every Disney dollar spent.  Genius.  You're welcome, Disney-Pixar.  You better hurry up and call me because I'm in high demand.

Today especially Dave is keeping me busy.  In fact, for the next two days I have signed an imaginary agreement to stay off Facebook in order to preserve my opinions solely for The Late Show audience. I will be in frequent communication with Mr. Letterman to discuss my feelings on the four hundred billion updates/last ditch effort campaigning/telephone and poll solicitations that will be barraging me as the day progresses. That way I won't feel the need to reply to the political posts on Facebook by people I consider friends that are forgetting they know me and are tearing apart everything I am with public blanket statements that personally attack my character because of who I want as a president. (That?  Was probably the longest sentence in Sublurban Mama history.)(Sorry, Dave; I've got to work on my sound bites.)

So, because this is my public platform and I'm the boss of it, here is one piece of election advice. Think carefully about the people in your life that you love, respect, and admire.  Pick a few that believe the opposite of you in all things.  If there is no one you love that believes differently than you, you need to seriously stop everything you are doing and go find a friend like this.  Now, every time you are tempted to spew voice an opinion that is not at all about an issue but more a personal attack on an entire group of people, consider if you would say any of those things to the people you love.  It shuts my mouth most of the time, and my friendships are the stronger for it.

Now go vote.  Because this is America.


  1. How is Dave? Is he a nice guy in person? I've always wondered. And you're right - there should be a mom princess. And she should be awesome. And pay for herself.

    Voting this afternoon!

    1. (Imaginary) Dave is awesome to me. Super nice. I took all four kids to vote and it took me almost an hour and a half. I think I deserve a medal. Or maybe a crown. A crown would definitely be the start of my princess outfitting. :-)


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