|No one puts Baby in the corner.|
You know that voice in your head that gives you advice about what thoughts to verbalize? Sometimes I get all, "You're not the boss of me, Imma say what I want" to that little voice, which is an excellent decision if you want to be known as a psycho.
Sometimes I'm not even trying to disobey that little voice, I just seem inherently unable to fully recognize the English language when it is in the form of sound advice
The other day I arrived at the gym (i.e. my safe zone so I wasn't even on my guard, mistake number one) when my neighbor was leaving. This is a new neighbor I don't really know all that well; he and his wife recently moved in and just had a baby, so they are understandably not all that much for shooting the breeze outside on the front lawn. But we know each other enough to recognize each other (mainly because I'm infamous in the neighborhood for my
Me: Hey! You're my neighbor!
Neighbor: Yeah. Hey.
Me: I totally forgot your name. (He's a dude, he's not offended.)(I'm pretty sure.)
Neighbor: I'm Thor. (Totally not his real name. But this is a public forum, you know? So I'm protecting his identity because it's polite. And? Who wouldn't want to be fake named Thor?)
Me: I'm Kelly. (We both pretend to catalog this information
Thor: Are you a member here?
Me: Yesh. (Uh-oh, I've relaxed a little bit and now I'm starting to lisp.)(Not because I have a speech impediment
Thor: Yeah, the rules are crazy about that. What is it, like four feet proximity at all times? (He is politely ignoring that I suddenly turned insane.)
Me: YES. AND I HAVE FOUR KIDTH TO BRING WITH ME IN THE POOL. I CAN'T BE WITHIN FOUR FEET OF ALL OF THEM. (Wisely deciding louder is not the way to go, I try another tactic.)(The voice chimes in, "Kelly, shut up and say goodbye." I ignore it.) Sorry, Thor, I juthed downed an entire Ithed Cappuccino from Tim Horton's so I could finith it before my workout (The Voice: SHUT UP! RETREAT!) and now my tongue ith all numb and sthwollen and I can barely thpeak.
Me: I'll sthee you later?
Thor: Sure. Bye.
In conclusion: Get your Iced Capp at least thirty minutes before you have to workout, or else you run the risk of gulping it and rendering yourself completely thpeachleth.