Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Hollywood, Jaywalking, and How I Saved Ayanna

This is not me.  But it's how
I feel when I run.

It's been a while since I've written about any kind of training. Most of my runs have been with my nine year old (who is training for a Thanksgiving 5K), but a few times this week I ran by myself so I could be ready for an upcoming 10K. (I mean, my little girl can hustle, but sometimes you gotta go the distance, too.)

Last week I went to Ab Lab and planned to follow it with five treadmill miles which sounded like the worst thing in the world. Enter that it was gorgeous out, and probably some of the last of the gorgeous weather of the season, and I could not make myself stay inside.  Even for a calibrated run.  So I left the gym on foot, with only a general direction in mind.

This is not like me.  Not having a plan, I mean.  I obsessively map my runs/rides so I can effectively self-talk my way through the parts of the run where I want to quit. (Fun fact for free?  Lately, every run has included this internal conversation:
1 Minute in: "Dude, I really need new shoes."
2 Minutes in: "Oh, maybe not.  I think I just needed to warm up."
3 Miles in: "Dude, I really do need new shoes."
Yes, every single run.  Because I learn best when history repeats itself. Or something.)

So, I set out into the great unknown, travelling unexplored sidewalks through foreign neighborhoods only previously seen through a minivan windshield.  It was like an adventure.  Except I was feeling ... pensive.  And it's like my Ipod knew it.

The first song that came on was All We Are by One Republic.  I was running on a long(ish) stretch of sidewalk next to a golf course, so the area was predominately open with a few evergreen trees.  It was during this song that I knew I looked like an actress dealing with a serious situation thinking deep thoughts while I ran to clear my head.  While the (pretend) camera captured me running for a scene that would be edited as "running ... (fade)  running farther away ... (fade) running in the far distance ... (cut)" I knew One Republic was playing on the soundtrack. Ryan Tedder sang, "We won't break, we won't die; It's just a moment of change" and I looked appropriately meditative and solemn because I am an excellent pretend method actress and have enough vision to direct myself. (It's like I'm my own Hollywood studio.)

Then I turned into a neighborhood of McMansions.  (IRL, I'm back to being a suburban mom just out for a run.)(Stay with me.) I occasionally cut through this neighborhood on my way home so it was a little familiar.  My Ipod gifted me The Freshman by The Verve Pipe which is a perfectly pensive song. I started thinking about mistakes and how some are so bad they really alter the course of your life and, lest you think I'm about to drop some deep bomb on you, because of these thoughts I naturally thought about the situation where Ayanna from Road Rules Extreme Challenge (circa 2000) got in a physical altercation with teammate Christian because he offended her, and got removed from the show because she refused to apologize for hitting him.  I took TVP's The Freshman as an opportunity to have an intervention with Ayanna.  We chatted a bit about why she felt she couldn't apologize and weighed principle against opportunity.  Just as I was about to convince her she could still feel justifiably offended without hauling off and punching someone, and it wouldn't be selling out to apologize, I realized I was lost.  In McMansionville suburbia.  On foot.

I really only had one option.  To keep going.  It was getting a little close to sunset and I wanted to be done before it got dark.  I have a pretty decent sense of direction, but, um, all the houses and streets looked the same, so I was a little turned around.  This is when I had the genius epiphany to find the sun that was about to set so I could locate west.  Awesome.  I'm not a homeschooler for nothin'.

I found a main road about three minutes later, and discovered I was only about a mile from my gym. I could add some distance if I lapped the pond in the park where I took my running class.  It would be like going home.

This is how I found myself jaywalking (jayrunning?) in front of the police station, effectively cutting off a police car in the process.  I rehearsed the "My sister is a cop in another county so please don't give me a ticket because I used to share a bedroom with a fellow officer" speech in my head that completely excuses any type of infraction I may commit against the traffic laws of this fine land. Fortunately the officer could tell I was feeling pensive (probably because I was wearing my Pondering the World's Issues -you know, like Ayanna's fight with Christian- Face) and chose to let me ruminate in my deepness and continue my run.

Ben Folds Five joined me with Brick (of course they did) for the final leg of my run.  The pond was as buggy as I remember, so much of my prime emo time was spent spitting out bugs.  I couldn't even do a solid interview with Babs, even though I made one of her Most Fascinating Lists, which? was pretty rude.  Way to ruin prime time television specials for everyone, Insects that fly in my mouth while I'm running and having a pretend interview with Barbara Walters.

When I climbed the last hill about a hundred yards from my gym, I noted with some concern that my vision was getting dim.  I had no idea how far I'd run; I felt okay, but I was definitely seeing my vision darkening, and I was super concerned I was about to black out.  I didn't bring any water with me because I knew it would be a less than an hour run, but maybe I was dehydrated ... it turns out that the sun was just setting, and that's why it was getting darker.  And I was fine.  Good thing I am not a drama queen  jump to the most fantastical conclusions  have an overactive imagination  am always observant about my physical health like a responsible person. Crisis averted yet again.  Wonder Woman still in full effect.

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha ha! I love your internal running monologues. They are SO much better than mine!! You ARE Wonder Woman!!


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