Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Tickets to the Gun Show

Today I feel that fantastic kind of sore.  You know, the kind of sore where your body feels like it got hit by a bus and is all jelly-like when you wake up because last night at the gym you showed up and worked.

Sarah may have pushed me a bit during swimming.  Oh, and the kettle bells during weight workout class before that were fun as well.  Consequently, this morning I am loving life despite the early hour due to going to bed early because I couldn't handle another round of debates because conflict makes me nervous and I can't stand the theatrics of politics.  And I am ready to talk one of my favorite subjects.

Happy Foreign Language Friday!

Since here in the good old state of Michigan tank top season is officially over, I figured it would be the perfect time to discuss the exercises you can do to get monster guns.  (Timing?  I have it.)

Where you at, Jillian Michaels? guns.
Warrior Dash guns a.k.a. Muddy guns.

I realized as I was flipping through my workout logs that upper body exercises have the weirdest names.  Tricep kickbacks?  Chest flys?  Cable rows?  How in the world can you follow the lovely circuit workouts offered on Pinterest if you don't know what these things are?

Tricep kickbacks 

I picked this girl because even though
she is doing one arm at a time instead
of two like me, her butt
looks fantastically just like mine.
Your triceps are the muscles found on the back of your upper arm.  If you work these you will help eliminate those pretty little bat wings that *ahem* women of a certain age/weight seem to acquire.  To do kickbacks, pick up some hand weights (5-10 pounds), hinge slightly at the waist keeping your tummy tucked in to support your back, bend you arms with your elbows tucked into your sides, and, keeping your elbows tucked in, straighten your arms behind you.  I always think of squeezing my tricep at the top of the extension. Return your arms to the starting position.  One tricep kickback in the bag.  Congrats.  Now go do 11 more.  Three times.  (Fun fact?  The best triceps I ever had were in ninth grade due to my after school job at the local Baskin Robbins.  It turns out that while consuming copious amounts of ice cream is bad for your physique, scooping copious amounts of ice cream for other people really works those arms.)

Chest Flys

These sadly have nothing to do with your boobs sailing through the air.  Or taking a trip on an airplane.  Whatever.  Way to get our hopes up, inaptly named chest exercise.  Chest flys work *surprise* your chest.  They target your pectoral muscles, but also work your triceps and shoulders, so, bonus.

See the rainbow? (Which just made me think
of Skittles, even though their slogan was Taste
the Rainbow.  Sugar, it's like you're stalking me.
To do chest flys, lie down on the floor, bench, or stability ball.  Your knees should be bent with you feet planted firmly.  Pick up your hand weights and extend your arms out to the sides so that you are making a "T".  Keeping a slight bend at the elbow, bring your arms up and together, sweeping them along a rainbow arc.  Once your weights are together, slowly bring them back to the beginning of the move (without touching the floor if you are on the floor).  Your first chest fly.  Journal about it in your baby book and then do it 11 more times. Repeat three times.  (I often have "I'll Fly Away" in my head during this move.  It is extremely helpful.  If hymns aren't your thing, you can always chant "I must, I must, I must increase my bust" a la Punky Brewster.)

Cable Rows

There are probably a billion versions of this move you can do.  I might be exaggerating a titsch, but for real, you can take some liberty with this move because you can do it seated, standing, bent over, with dumbbells, with a barbell, on a standing machine, on a seated machine, while eating a snickers.  Cable rows work your back, neck, and shoulders.

Pick some weights that have some heft to them, but not so much heft that it messes with your form or posture.  It should feel comfortably uncomfortable.  Get it?  Now here are some choices:

The standing row looks like this.  Keeping your weights in front of you, tuck your tummy in and raise 'em up.  Slowly lower them back down.  Do this twelve times total.  Rest. Rinse and repeat.  Twice.

This is a bent cable row.  I like to think of this as "starting the lawn mower."  The important thing here is to keep your elbow hugging your side.  Raise your weight into until it's even with your chest.  If your elbow is properly tucked in, your dumbbell should be touching your chest.  Slowly lower the weight back to the starting position.  If you find yourself twisting and lifting with your back to accommodate the weight, choose lighter weights.  Do this twelve times.  Switch arms.  Do it twelve times over there.  Repeat the whole process twice.

Attack those guns, ladies!  You officially have all winter long to develop some amazing guns, so by summer I'm ready to be blown away by your buffness (totally a word).

Have a great weekend!  See y'all Monday!

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