Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Just Pretend It's Everest (and I might have ADD)

I promised you a RAD mountain climber post today and the pressure of that expectation is crushing my soul.  (Not really, because mountain climbers are pretty RAD all by themselves.)(It would be hard for me to give them a bad rap.)(Unless I tried to do it myself.)(Rap, I mean.)(I'm terrible at rapping.)(Except for anything by Kris Kross; that's my jam.)(How often do I get a chance to rap? Mostly I rap while I'm running and wearing my ear buds.)(This probably looks and sounds as Thug Life as you are picturing it in your head.)(Especially since I'm really awful at knowing the lyrics.)(But none of this really matters because:

Yes.  All that mess in my head ended with a perfectly crafted e-card.  Thank you Pinterest.

A story just for free? In college I took a sociology class where the professor referred to me as "Caucasian Female" all.semester.long.  It was awesome and vaguely horrifying the week we discussed plantations (not on the syllabus) and I was asked to give my opinion as a representative of the white man slave owner.  However, the prof also let me take the midterm I missed because I overslept without any kind of penalty, so I think we are even.

So ... back to mountain climbers.  Every Friday I do a series called Foreign Language Friday.  These are posts written to define the words and phrases used only in Exerciseville.  (Totally not a real place.)

{UPDATE:  I just Googled Exerciseville and found THIS BLOG.  Duuuude.  The language is a bit rough but I think I just met my new best friend.}

Today I am answering the oft asked (in your head) question, "The heck are mountain climbers?"

These are currently the bane of my existence.  Actually, it's more the getting usable pictures of me doing mountain climbers that is the problem.  Do you know why?  I'm on my freaking period and a bit testy about how bloated I am All the photos we took were a bit unflattering.  And since you've seen some of the pictures I've posted, you know I'm not overly concerned about personal vanity, so my mountain climber pictures had to be bad if I refused to post them.  And I mean really, really bad. (Like "Hey Kel, are you pregnant? How about your tush and thighs - are they pregnant, too?" bad.)

To be fair, the physical positions of mountain climbers really don't lend themselves to complimentary photographs is what I told myself to make me feel better.  Then I searched the internets and found these:

I'm beginning to hate the women of BodyRock.  You know, in a totally fair way that is rooted in jealousy and insecurity.
So what are mountain climbers?  Mountain climbers are both a cardio and a strength move, so pretty much they are awesome.  I'm all about streamlining*, so doing one effective exercise to knock out a bunch of other exercises is good math.

(*I know a man who is so efficient that as a child he would get dressed for the next day before he went to bed.  Because why waste time with pajamas when you just have to take them off eight hours later?)

To do mountain climbers get in a plank-ish position.  Draw one leg forward (like all the pictures). Squeeze your abs as both feet jump and switch positions.  Switch your feet for 30-60 seconds. Move your feet faster for more of a cardio workout.  It's as simple as that, y'all.

You can vary MC in many ways to change it up for both your body and your mind. For a more intense ab workout you can focus on bringing your knees in to your chest (KNEES TO CHEST - FillWerrell).  To work your obliques (the side abdominals kind of), pull your knee to your opposite arm, or pull it towards the same side shoulder.  You can also do MC on a bosu ball.

This is sick hard because you have the added challenge of balance thrown in for fun.
To get more of an upper body workout, you can lower yourself into a push up and bring your knees up on the outside of your body.  You might feel like a frog.  You won't look like one, don't worry. Frogs never look like they're about to cry.

I have a Boot Camp instructor who hates people, and so she makes us do mountain climbers with paper towel under our feet as we travel across the floor.  This is cuh-razy hard, and I only get through it by thinking about Taco Bell and how much I hate our instructor.  (This is how you know pain a liar because our instructor is awesome.)(She's like a Jillian Michaels who doesn't care about your feelings.)(That was a joke, because Jillian doesn't really care about your feelings, and our instructor cares even less.)(But lest you think that makes her unlovable, think again, because I love her.)(And I'm not saying that just because she literally kicked my butt during plank to get it down into proper position, and I'm a titsch scared of her.)  The paper towel thing is supposed to be better on your joints but I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid y'all unless it's red because I heart that mess.

In conclusion, this post was a hot mess of awesomeness.  I think I have ADD.  But not really.  Brian used to have bad ADD and weaned himself from his meds in college.  I keep begging him to go back on them so I can pilfer his Adderall, mainly for the weight loss and focus it would provide, because I'm all about responsibility with medication and don't believe in taking short cuts.

I hope you enjoy your mountain climbers and have a fantastic weekend.  I'll see y'all Monday!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...