Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Weight Loss Update! *AND* Weight Loss Math Explained

This is Eve during math.
Math was never my strong suit. While I'm pretty good at fudging my way through an essay question (a.k.a perfecting the art of bs), basic ciphering was never natural for me. In fact, the last time I took a formal math class was in 11th grade - my junior year of high school.

"Wait. Kelly, do you mean to tell me you have a college degree in education and didn't have to take a single college level math class?"

Yep. That's exactly what I am telling you. (Although I did have to stumble through one college level science class - Physics of Sound - which almost killed me.)

But lest you think I have poor computation skills, I offer the following argument to prove I am qualified to write this post. As it is currently my third and fourth go-around, as a homeschooler I am nailing elementary school math.

My subtraction? Totally on point. My times tables - I got 'em up until the twelves. This may be because I have reviewed them daily with various children over the last four years, but whatever the reason - I'm kinda a big deal when it comes to basic arithmetic. Don't get too jealous now.

I've found that when it comes to weight loss, there are two vitally important calculation techniques that must be utilized for success. One is knowing greater than > and less than <. For example: 65>34, and 25<78. If you do not have a strong grasp on how numbers relate to one another, you cannot employ the mind game Teeter-Totter.

I double dog dare you to call me a Heffalump.
(Does everyone remember the teeter-totter? Remember riding that thing in elementary school? The whole purpose was to have a grand old time pushing yourself away from the ground and going up and down on that thrill of a ride. What really happened was the fat kid was made aware of just how fat they were as they slammed into the ground, killing their crotch in the process. Happy memories, no?)

Teeter-Totter is a mind game I totally made up and is completely meaningless and stupid one hundred percent useful for making yourself feel better using comparison techniques. Teeter-Totter is simply picturing yourself on a teeter-totter opposite something heavier than you. When I finally weighed less than my husband, my reaction was, "NOW I'LL BE ON THE 'UP' SIDE OF THE TEETER-TOTTER!" Hey, small victories are still victories.

The other really important math skill you need for weight loss success is the skill of rounding numbers. As a quick refresher, any number less than 5 in the ones column rounds down to the nearest ten. (Ex: 13 rounds to 10 and not 20) Any number 5 and greater rounds up to the nearest ten. (Ex: 17 rounds to 20 and not 10) This concept works on larger numbers as well.

So it is with all this in mind that I can say today that my weight finally rounds to 100 instead of 200. Because this week? I LOST THREE POUNDS. I went from 153 to my current weight of


My body fat went down 1% to 26.1%

I spent the entire week hoping for a weight of 151 on my weigh in day. I don't even know what to do with these results. I'm so happy. (Andrew, my decidedly Not Kemper replacement, was all, *doesn't say anything, just writes my results down*. So I filled in Kemper's voice saying, "Hell yeah!" which is exactly what he wrote me when I facebooked him later.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go lift heavy and eat more protein. Huzzah!


  1. Could you explain more about what "lift heavy" really means? Maybe I missed a post on that you could point me to? How many times a week does that mean? How many sets? How heavy? How is it different that other ways of lifting weights? I googled and found a lot of places using the term but not anyplace that explained what it meant.

    Now I've got to go eat a crapton of protein.

    1. I'll totally try to explain :) I'll either email you directly or do a post about it next week. It's one of those completely subjective things ... kinda. All I know is that it is working and is fun as all get out.
      Enjoy your protein, and FYI a CRAPTON is exactly the amount you should be eating ;)

    2. Thanks for the reminder! I'll try to have it up tonight! :)

  2. Wooo hooo to being able to round down to 100 weight!!!!

  3. ROTF!! I love your math!! Congratulations on an fantastic weigh-in!!

    1. Thanks! I think everyone could benefit from some of my equations :)

  4. Have you figured out your macro's yet? Man it gave me a headache with its multiplication and division and all the horrifying math. So I decided I'd eat 300 grams of protein and called it good. Sure my urine is like a thunder cloud but what of it. BTW I loved your post down below, I don't really have any friends who exercise but hey they still love me. But I do have a fantastic amazing coach and my poor sweet husband has always been a supporter no matter what crazy thing I do next. Support systems, rock. Congrats on the weight loss, ya stud.

    1. Dude, you had me at "thunder cloud". What a fantastic visual! LOL.

      Macros made me nuts, so I, too, just try to cram as much protein in my yapper as possible. It's an entirely scientific process that I'm sure would make people who do macros cringe.

      I don't know how people live without any support. Who do they whine to about sore muscles?! ;-)


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