Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Monday, April 21, 2014

A Brand New and Totally Effective Diet

This is my teenage life summed up in one picture.
I had a huge crush on the guitar player.
(Of course I did.)
"STAND DOWN" - Boy Sets Fire
I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. I started the day with an early bird workout at the gym. It was leg day and also coincided with the first time I wore my earbuds while lifting. Apparently I feel much freer to grunt when I am focused on the music and not on the sounds I am personally making. I discovered this during a break between songs.

In unrelated news, I now listen to my iPod on a much lower volume.

(I have been pretend drumming for listening to Boy Sets Fire* for a two week stretch now. It's kinda impossible to fully enjoy Boy Sets Fire on anything less than the loudest setting possible. I've caught myself lip-syncing "SILENCE KILLS THE REVOLUTION" with all the passion it requires while on the treadmill. I don't feel ridiculous about this at all and instead choose to feel sorry for all the pretentious people at Lifetime who do not get to be pretend rock stars in their heads while exercising.)

(*I traveled to Chicago waaaaay back in 1998 with my friends Melanie and Josh to see Boy Sets Fire play in a bowling alley that also hosted late night rock shows.)(It was rad.)

(Brian hates Boy Sets Fire.)
(He also won't let me in his band.)
(The obvious conclusion we can draw is that Brian could not recognize musical genius even if it lived with him.)

After my Easter morning workout I hurried out to the parking lot because I knew in order to fully celebrate this beauty was waiting for me:

I know what you are thinking. "Kelly, you are a vision of loveliness first thing in the morning   are you naturally that white or do you work at it?  did you really sit in the parking lot of Lifetime Fitness and eat a Reese's Peanut Butter egg?"
Sure did, y'all.
#4gramsofprotein #Kemperwouldbeproud (Because I'm pretty sure Reese's is exactly what he had in mind when he told me to eat carbs after a workout.)

Easter was a struggle for me. I think the real problem was I had no plan on how to handle all the special holiday food. I knew I was going to allow myself some leeway (hence, the peanut butter egg), but I had to navigate a church brunch potluck and the actual Easter meal at my mom's house, and my only thought was, "Let's just see how it goes." Bad idea.

This is literally the only picture I have
from Easter. It's a blurry cell phone
picture of me and my sister. You're
welcome. (For the record, it's clear I
am taller.) 
When I take last year into account, I did fantastically well. But for this year, and knowing my current goals - blah. At brunch I ate ALLTHEFRUIT because I don't normally eat a lot of fruit, so kiwi and strawberries were like candy to me. I ate egg casserole that looked like it was loaded with spinach, but I also really really really enjoyed a homemade blueberry muffin. (To be honest, I enjoyed that muffin more than the Reese's egg.)(Please don't tell - I don't want to spoil the good thing going on between me and Reese's. We have a special relationship - it's eggselent.)(Oh no, she didn't.)

At my mom's I just ate too much. My stepdad is an amazing cook and he bought kielbasa and fresh pierogi at the Polish market. It was all so good. I also had a piece of cinnamon swirl bread and lemon cake for dessert.

At home that night I stood on the scale and was all, "Yep." Last week I weighed 154.3 at my weigh in. Easter night that scale read 157. ONE FIFTY SEVEN. Of course I totally panicked and began thinking all these disordered thoughts like, "I should totally go run at 4:00 tomorrow morning. And not eat all day. And hit Core Blast and lift before my weigh in. HEY! Maybe I can even skip my Monday weigh in and show up Tuesday. That would buy me a full extra day!" Thankfully I'm not completely stupid and the part of me that is rational was all, "Dude. Don't be crazy. You need a full night's sleep. You need to return to your normal food tomorrow. You need to drink a crapton of water. You need to do your normal workout, and then you need to SUCK IT UP AND FACE THE MUSIC and go get weighed on your normal night because you are not a cheater." Which? Is totally what happened.

I really thought most of that weight gain had to do with sodium and being bloated from all the crap food. So on Monday I pounded water like nobody's business. I spent most of Monday peeing feeling like while I enjoyed all that food, it certainly didn't change my life, and I'd much rather be down 15 pounds than eat like that all the time.

Monday night was upper body lifting followed by Core Blast. After that I went over to the trainer desk and tried to find a Kemper Replacement to weigh me in. (Which? TOTALLY won't ever happen.)(Because Kemper is completely irreplaceable unless Elliott Hulse shows up and then all bets are off.) Andrew, the trainer who offered to weigh me in, while being a fine young gentleman, totally didn't want to joke with me at all was all business because he had a client warming up on the treadmill. I had to tell him all the vital information that Kemper already knew - you know, the important things like my age and height - so I tried not to be bitter that I had to verbalize that info (*rolls eyes and enjoys her first world problems of missing the trainer that was so generous with his time*) while waiting for the scale to out me for my Easter noshing.

The damage? I lost 1.3 pounds. I weighed in at 153. I also lost .2% body fat. (Down to a solid 27%.)

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm now on the new Reese's Peanut Butter Egg diet because it's totally effective.

(Just kidding, Kemper.)


  1. Hahaha, Easter for the win, is what I'm getting out of this! You are hilarious :)

  2. I knew I should've eaten more than one peanut butter egg! (I did try, but my kids wouldn't share)

    1. I'm telling you ... it's all in the peanut butter. I know it's high protein ;-)

  3. Yeah. In the grand scheme, one day 'off' or one day 'high' won't mess you up. It's alllllll the days in a row that will! lol Congrats!

    1. Seriously, dude. Allllllll the days are what got me into this mess ;-)

  4. haha awesome Kelly! actually a "cheat day" or high carb day can be beneficial if you've been on a strict nutrition plan for a while. Certain hormones will be stimulated (leptin) that can rev up metabolism...just don't abuse it =) Keep rolling strong!!

    1. You and your science. Leptin is my new best friend.

      Also, define how often constitutes "abuse" ... ;-)

  5. How do I keep missing your posts? HOW? Did you say why Kemper left lifetime? I'm curious now. Seems like your doing great! You seem to have picked yourself up after losing Kemper, I knew you would because your freakin awesome.

  6. PS so my crossfit box is doing a six week weightlifting thing. Very little cardio if any, which is kind of scary for someone who is a recovering cardio addict. But I saw this article and I'm just kinda curious what do you think? I know your a lover of cardio too........ Should we start a support group for former cardio bunnies? Anyway check this out, its interesting if nothing else.

    1. So I checked this out and have been thinking on these things for forever. (Which is totally why I haven't replied!) I'm going to see if you have an email on your blog, but if not, will you email me so we can cardio support privately? I have some questions for you :)

  7. I'm pretty sure its a sin to turn down fresh pierogies. Delish!

    I also will always maintain that i AM taller than my sister. Cuz, duh, I'm older!

    Great job on the loss. Thanks for being real w/your thought process when you saw that gain, then reeling it back in. I have those thoughts sometimes too and then I have to tell the scale it can go hang out with the devil for a while. Guess I"m saying that I like that you are maintaining your relationship with the scale while not letting it be the boss of you.

    1. I think "Thou shall eat pierogies" is like the fifteenth commandment or something ;-)
      And thanks for the encouragement. This is the first time I've lost weight in such a public setting, so it's hard to know just what to share. But I *do* know that the scale is NOT THE BOSS OF ME ;-)


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