Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Five on Friday - Automatic Responses

Here are a few common situations I face in my life and the ways I automatically respond to them.

1. Scene: Entering Lifetime Fitness - Every time I enter the gym I see this sign on the glass in the lobby:

Automatic response: I think, "not these guns." *mentally flexes my biceps*

2. Scene: At least one child whines, "Mo-om! I can't find my ______."

Automatic response: I think, "It's up your butt and around the corner." You can take the girl away from the 80's, but you can't take the 80's from the girl.

A perm, a boombox, and throwing up peace signs? It's like the 80's puked allllll over this mess.
I think we can all agree the 80's were good to me.

3. Scene: Hears birds chirping before the sunrise.

Automatic response: I think of breastfeeding. This is mainly because the first time I consistently heard birds ring in the new day it was during the hellish period of adjusting to a newborn while bonding with the tiny life I'd created as I nourished her from my own body. Now it's almost a Pavlovian response.
(Now *you* will forever associate pre-dawn bird chirping with breastfeeding. I'm like the gift that keeps on giving.)

4. Brian's new favorite video - Jim Rome on Gym Guy:

Scene: I walk in the house upon returning from the gym.

Brian's automatic response: "KELLY! Hurry and get in your protein! YOU DO NOT MAKE YOUR MUSCLES WAIT FOR PROTEIN! GET THAT PROTEIN NOOOOOOOOOW."

(Don't worry - I totally did already in the car on the way home.)

5. Scene: Jason Derulo sings "Talk Respectfully* to Me" (*how this young man should speak to a SAHM mama) while I'm driving the Ford Flex.

Automatic response: My freaking hips take over my body and I become the best dancer in the entire world. There is something truly magical about Jason telling me my "booty don't need explaining" that makes me throw all caution to the wind and let it do it's thang. YOU DO YOU, BOOTY.
(Lest you think I'm exaggerating in standard Sublurban Mama form the driver of the car next to me last night totally affirmed my effort with a gigantic smile.)

See you Monday when I share the extensive report on how I enjoyed the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg I am saving for after my LEG DAY workout Sunday morning. It will keep you on the edge of your seat. (Almost like me, barely able to be on the edge of my seat after Leg Day.) Happy Friday! Happy Easter!

Linking up with Clare at Fitting It All In.


  1. LOL I love that you threw the fact you were cruisin' in your Flex. I have one, tooooo! And love it. And the stereo... so I can shakes ma booootaaaaayy!

    1. I super heart the Flex. Plus, it's totally good for dancing ;-)

  2. So was the up your butt thing, it was a 80's deal? I had no idea...I learn each and everyday. I could say so much to you on that. I've read so much, gotten angry so much. Learned bro science versus real science. I am at a point right now, I hate the word protein. HATE IT. That is all, hope you had a good weekend!:) Oh! I got a video up after a verrrry long post, skip the post see the video! It shows what a typical crossfit workout looks like and a few of the weight lifting moves, girl you gotta try a front squat!! .....I think you'd love crossfit (seriously).

    1. I read your post on my iPad, but can't view the video from there. As soon as I'm on my desktop I plan on checking it out! I think I would love Crossfit, too. Baby steps, man. Baby steps.


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