Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Five on Friday - If Moms Ruled the Gym

Things I would say if Moms Ruled the Gym.

1. "Honey girl, go put on a t-shirt. There is too much boobs happening to attempt that run/elliptical/burpee."

2. "Watch your mouth, young man. I may have rendered myself invisible due to my Mom Ponytail and "birthing hips", but I am right freaking next to you and I don't want to hear about your junk."

3. "You sir, are grounded from the dumbbells for one week. Maybe that will teach you not to leave them in the middle of the floor for anyone to trip over."

4. "Thank you, People That Wash and Fold the Towels, for washing and folding the towels." "Thank you, People That Clean the Toilets and Showers, for cleaning the toilets and showers. Also, for restocking the toilet paper." (Also, totally random, but I find myself wanting to get Kemper settled down with a nice girl and give him long term financial advice. Because Mom.)

5. "Look at you lift that weight/finish that run/hold that pose/show up to exercise! You are improving every day - I am so proud of you."

Also, this conversation happened this morning:

Kelly: *upon returning from an early bird workout* BABE. I totally upped my weight on shoulder press, leg press, and dead lift. I also did drop sets for chest press and row. You are in the presence of a MOTHER FREAKING CHAMPION. *flexes*

Brian: *is still waking up as he puts on his shoes for work*

Kelly: *still flexing* BABE. Look at my bicep. It's totally like a little baby bicep that is happening.

Brian: *squints*

Kelly: Can you see it?

Brian: *squints* *reaches forward to squeeze*

Kelly: Don't touch it! It will go away.

Yep. Beast Mode activated.

*Linking up with Clare at Fitting It All In*


  1. Just you wait this will happen. I flex...My husband...Want to fight me? As soon as your husband see's the bicep he will say it, trust the process. Oh man just writing, trust the process, made me snort so hard I almost snotted my laptop. I swear If I read that one more time......... Anywho do not make fun of the girl with boob problems and burpee's. Oh my man that happened to me last friday total sports bra fail. It was horrifying and it was timed so stopping and putting them back did not help my time. Good times, shivers.

    1. I handle the boob problem by not having any. Totally works ;)

      I love "trust the process". I also love the phrase "weight loss journey". Both are guaranteed to make me snort. Thanks for that, too.

  2. I love this blog more every time I read it. LOL

    1. Thanks! There's truth in the mom-phrases, amIright?!

  3. hahahaha *Flexing right along with you! You are funny! P.S. I do that to my husband too. He is not impressed!

    1. Someday Iva, both our husbands will rue the day they denied our bicep existence! :)

  4. Kelly I love your blog!!!! I am reading it every day from now on! You rock in the gym! I have never met a person with more determination and thirst to progress their fitness to the next level. Keep going!! -Kemper

    1. Look who made it to Sublurban Mama! I love it! And you have been holding out on me -- Boot Kemp?! IT'S TOTALLY LIKE YOU'RE ELLIOTT HULSE. I can't handle it. Prepare for a million questions tonight at weigh in. :)

  5. I really like your blog! You are very funny and I enjoy your posts very much. I just started one myself (of a very similar ilk). I have only recently found a love of creative writing and your blog inspired me. Keep up the good work.


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