Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

How to Lose 100 Pounds - Practical Tips Edition

Facebook Status: After cramping up at swim class I decided to start drinking my daily recommended amount of water. So far, the only difference I feel is that I feel I know the inside of my bathroom better.

So I promised today I would post some practical tips and helps for weight loss.  If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not the best at following traditional weight loss suggestions that I think aren't fun are really difficult to implement. For Example:  I really suck at drinking enough water.  Good thing iced coffee is totally made out of a little bit of water and mostly cream, or I'd completely be missing the mark on this staple piece of weight loss advice.

I'll start with FOOD:

Don't drink your calories unless they are from iced coffee.  Unless you are making a meal out of a protein shake, most liquid calories are empty.  Meaning, they will do nothing for your body except taste good.  Now chill out, I'm totally not telling you what to do; if you want a glass of milk, dude, bottoms up*.
(*this is where I was going to link to Trey Songz video for Bottom's Up and then I took a minute to read the lyrics.  Sorry y'all, no link for you.)  I'm not a drinker, but I think the calories in my beloved iced coffee are comparable with a glass of wine.  So I treat those calories as treat calories. (Homophone alert!)(Not a slur.)(Google it.) They are still within my budget, but they're just calories that are used to make me happy.  Not used to provide adequate nutrition.

Fiber is your friend especially if you are taking your iron supplement.  I'm not gonna lie - the main reason I'm a fiber girl is because it helps me "go".  I own a lot of Benefiber.  Ideally you should get your fiber from real food, but ... whatareyougonnado?  The other awesome thing about fiber is that it slows down your body's absorption of sugar.  Why does this matter?  Let's pretend you eat a Krispy Kreme donut for breakfast.  It is delicious.  All that sugar rushes your system, LIFE IS GREAT, and then 30 minutes later you just want to take a long nap.  After another 30 minutes you are starving, so you eat something else.  (Probably a 400 calorie coffee from Starbucks.)(Probably.)  This cycle can continue unbroken based upon your food choices.

Now let's look at whole grain toast with peanut butter.  It's admittedly not as delicious as a KK, but it is more palatable than wheat grass, so, compromise.  The fiber in the bread will work with the sugar in the pb to slow the sugar rush.  This means no LIFE IS GREAT moment, but also no "must ... nap ... now..." moment, either.  And it certainly skips over the 400 extra calorie binge moment.  That's why I eat peanut butter inside of Reese's on my toast in the morning.  Nut butters run about 100 calories per tablespoon (this is where you measure) so I make sure I spread my pb when the toast is really hot.  This thins out the pb and I can cover all the toast with only 1 TB.  Genius.  (Note to self: I should totally patent that idea.)

*Protein* - It's good stuff.  It's good for a lot of physiological reasons, like building up muscle and something to do with amino acids, but honestly, I majored in music, so once it sounds too science-y I tune out.  (Oh my goodness - "tune" out? Music major? *giggle*)  It's the building muscle part I fully support, because more muscle = greater calorie burn.

Prep work is the best few hours you will ever spend.  (Except for watching Twilight.)  I try to plan as much as possible.  I make my menu for the week, make a grocery list I stick to, and *ideally* do all the prep work when I come home from shopping.  Since I'm doing this post on the fly, I didn't have time to photograph a beautiful example of some of my prep work.  Instead you get what is actually in my house right now.
Left baggie:  100 calories of almonds.  Right baggie: 120 calories of Chex Mix.
Scissors and lock of hair:  What Esther did during her quiet time today.  Again.
I rule at parenting.  

If I can take a few minutes on a Sunday night to portion out reasonable amounts of snack food, on Wednesday afternoon when I am mindlessly shoving food into my pie hole because maybe the four year old sneaked scissors and cut her hair by herself, again, then I have given myself the gift of self-control that I would not be able to have with a full bag of Chex Mix.

I also keep cut up veggies in the fridge, and spend extra money for store bought, cut up melon, because I freaking hate cutting up cantaloupe.

This Book was really helpful in shaping my overall weight loss philosophy.  It was written by a mother and daughter who were each significantly more than 100 pounds overweight.  They are both normal weight today.

Now on to WORKING OUT:

Find exercise you actually like to do.  I really don't like step-aerobics.  I am just too stinking uncoordinated.  I get most of my exercise in aerobics from standing on the step turning drunkily (I totally just made drunk an adverb) and looking vaguely like I'm thinking about My Little Ponies or something else completely unrelated to the task at hand, which is following the actual routine.  So I totally gave up on step aerobics and I pray blessings on the class as I pass it to go run.  (Lord, please protect these super coordinated ladies - and token male - from a pulled hamstring.  Amen.)  If running's not your thing, find what is.  It's not what you are doing, it's the doing that is important.

Change up your routine because it not only keeps you from getting bored, it helps your fitness improve.  Your body gets bored as well, and it's all, "this is old hat, I can totally phone it in today," but throw it some unexpected burpees and it's all, "The heck? Where have I been?  I better get my tush in gear."

Learn what it means to truly push yourself.  I was always so worried about injury. I was worried about puking.  I was so worried I never pushed myself.  Then I took that running class and I thought I was going to die.  Like, heart attack/gasping breath/vomit totally happening kind of dying.  I totally didn't die.  But I did discover a new level of normal for my athleticism.  And now I'm not afraid of a workout that ends with me shaky-limbed, flopping around on a mat on the floor in a puddle of my own sweat, because it means that today I brought it.

Announce your goals publicly.  I love me some Facebook for this.  Your goal is there, in print, forever.  Also, I love  This keeps a good record of what you are doing, and other people can see it and judge you, which makes you work harder.

Workout buddies will shame you if you don't show/do your best/have a good attitude (if they are good ones).  Working out is so much easier with a pal.  The accountability is priceless. Sarah is a treasure to me.  For realz.

Motivational stickers.  Because I'm a nerd.  A visual reward nerd.
"Kelly, those are lovely star stickers on your calendar.  Whatever are they for?"
"Why, thank you, you are too kind.  Every sticker represents a killer workout."

And finally, THIS:
I kinda wish I went to this gym.  I bet it's the most fun gym EVER.  (Definitely better than Lifetime.)


  1. Ha ha ha, that last picture made me snort coffee!!

    Love this post...LOVE your realistic attitude spiced with that biting humor. Are you on Pinterest? You should be if not, because I think more people need to find you!!

    Keep up the awesome work, Kelly!!!

    1. I'm trying to bribe the hubby to put a Pin It widget on the blog somewhere. But I just recently started pinning my own stuff. I might do a "follow me on Pinterest" thing, but I need to edit my name a bit ;-)

      I love that last picture, too! It always makes me giggle :)


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