|Note to REI : add "helicopter |
safety harness" to your Camping
Hosanna asked if we could go on a little date, just the two of us, to hike the trails she had explored earlier with some of the "big kids". The sign at the trail head said, ".19 miles", so I grabbed my camera and off we went, thinking we would return in, oh, about five minutes.
|"Hosanna! Put the camera away and|
rescue your mom who is falling down
this steep, cliff-like,
declining hiking trail
The woods were beautiful. It felt all cocoon-like ("safe", not like the movie Cocoon), was very green, and very quiet. Hosanna and I took some awesome adventure shots of us doing some extreme hiking.
|"BELLA! RUN! LAURENT IS RIGHT|
We continued on in this fashion with Hosanna leading the way, until the girl tried to convince me the way back to camp was the right fork of a trail that would necessitate me belly-crawling through the woods
(*Confession: I have been suffering some FOR REAL condemnation over my lack of Navy Seal attributes lately. First, with the leeches. I know Navy Seals wouldn't be scared of leeches; leeches are a fine protein source
In response to the belly-crawling trail, I pulled rank on Hosanna and in my best decision making thus far said, "No, let's turn left and see where it goes." (You get chills just reading that, right?)
We walked a bit, still having fun because we were ignorant. We walked some more ... and some more ... and some more. Even Hosanna started to get nervous.
"Um, Mama? Do you think we will get back to the tent soon?"
"Probably! Isn't this fun? It's like we are on the most fun adventure ever!
But in my heart I knew this was exactly like the Blair Witch Project. I even heard, verbatim (well, kind of, I haven't seen the movie in over ten years), Heather saying (in my head), "It's virtually impossible to get lost in America. It's even harder to stay lost." But look what happened to Heather, dude. (For those of you who haven't seen the movie, *Spoiler Alert*, she totally stays lost forever.)
I know the main rule of being lost in the woods is to stay put and don't move, but I was pretty sure we were within a half mile of our camp sight, and I was feeling
We kept walking and I started seeing signs marked "perimeter". I choose to follow them until the trails they marked got less "trail-like" and more "traipsing through brush so thick a machete would come in handy*."
*this might be a slight exaggeration. But I did have to step over like, a lot of logs, and the grass was getting really high and was also wet from the rain, so yeah, it was rough.
At the next fork, we stopped and I thought about our options. I knew then the only way out was by helicopter rescue, which was on one hand super exciting, but on the other, not the way I imagined first meeting the Navy Seals. (Please indulge me and do not remind me that Navy Seals predominately do
I was trying to figure out how long we would have to wait before our rescuers arrived when I noticed some deep tire tracks off to the left. Well it totally turns out that if you follow those tire tracks for about three minutes you are back at your tent. So I didn't need the Navy Seals after all, which is extremely disappointing, but the way it has to be if you are going to redeem your Most Like a Navy Seal Without Actually Being One status.
Upon our return from nearly succumbing to the woods, guess what? No one knew we were missing. It's like there wasn't even a real problem.
At least the day ended well.
*that never happened.