Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Friday, July 6, 2012

You say Bro-tay-to, I say Bro-tah-to

 I am dying here.

Hey, BRO!  Another Facebook Friday! I am on fire with these things!

This week I am going to focus on one of my favorite things: food.  Here are a few of my Facebook Statuses over the years involving the very thing that helps sustain my svelte figure.

On Kelly's Diet Philosophy:

If you ignore the adjective "chocolate", my decision to have eggs for breakfast is both healthy and responsible.

We took all the leftover veggies from the garden and turned them into crackers using the dehydrator. They smell like whatever is the opposite of delicious.

To help those bound by legalism, if you simply make your ice cream sandwich out of WAFFLES it totally counts as breakfast.

Listen up Blueberries, Salmon, Almonds, Dark Chocolate - you may have earned your "Super Food" status with your vitamins and antioxidants, but before you get all elitist, know that happiness contributes to good health, too.  And today, corn dogs make me really happy.  So I'm adding them to the list.

On Teaching Healthy Habits:

Scene: Kelly drinking straight from a two liter of Diet Coke.
Eve: Can I have some?
Kelly: No, I'm not feeling well and I don't want you to catch anything.
Eve: It sounds like you're sick with a case of Bad Manners.

Taco Bell is the new cut up organic fruit.  The other moms at the splash park just didn't get the memo yet.  Don't they feel silly.

After closely observing Mama eating cherries, Esther now thinks it is appropriate to chew your food for awhile, and then spit it out.

I just broke up a sibling dispute over whose piece of bacon had more pig in it.

On Things That Are Not Food But Are Treated As Such:

Taking my Gandhi lecture to heart, Esther tried to "be the change she wanted to see" by eating a penny.

According to Poison Control, ingesting the chemicals in a glo-stick is surprisingly non-toxic and apparently quite common.  I'm a bit disappointed; I thought Esther was being pretty original.  Added bummer?  The stick was so old there is ZERO chance of getting to see her glow.

Good Morning, Poison Control!  Yes, those are super delicious vegan banana muffins you smell cooling on the counter.  No, I cannot explain why Esther thought A&D Ointment would be tastier.

(Did you notice the common element in the "not food" posts?  I freaking love Esther.)

Have a fantastic weekend.  Try not to swallow any glo-sticks, and, if you do:

See y'all Monday!


  1. I would be more interested in if the aftermath of eating glo sticks would still glow. Probably not or it would be a big fraternity thing.

    1. I would reply to this except I'm now totally developing an edible glo stick that I will market solely to Greek Row. And make millions. Thank you.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...