Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Friday, July 13, 2012

"Mawwiage..." - Impressive Clergyman

The Fourth Facebook Friday and a coup, yet again, for alliteration.  The theme of this week is: marriage.  (Although had I planned better it would have been awesome to go with the theme of "friendship" which would have been insanely spot on in terms of alliteration.) (Fail on my part.) (But I could also call it the Fourth Facebook Friday Fail Edition on Marriage and still kind of hit my alliteration mark.)

I have been married to my better half for eleven years now.  We have survived college, student teaching, four kids, and a horrendous leopard print phase.  Brian is like my Edward Cullen, but with less sparkling and more Taco Bell consumption.  Here are some of my Facebook statuses involving the hubby.

On Our MAD Communication Skillz:

Brian: I'm sorry you're falling into an emotional shame spiral.
Kelly: (sniffs back the tears that are the result of a TOTALLY SAD commercial) I'm not. I just need some Nutella.

Kelly: What did we do for gas before 1987?
Brian:  What are you talking about?  We used regular gas.
Kelly: Yeah, but what kind?  The earliest the gas goes is 1987.
Brian:  What?
Kelly:  Every pump has three kinds of gas: 1987, 1989, and 1993.
Brian: ....
Kelly: Isn't that the year the gas was made?
Brian: You are retarded.  I love you.

Kelly: (Sobbing at the movie trailer of The Boys Are Back, in which a father loses the love of his life and is left to raise his boys alone.)
Brian:  Don't worry, honey.  He can always get remarried.

Kelly: Sorry, Babe.  I gave up being cool for Lent.
Brian: When, in 1989?

On Parenting Wins:

I gave the girlies all the scrapbooking stickers I had leftover from albums I've finished. This includes our wedding and honeymoon in San Francisco. Eve just made Brian and I a lovely card covered with about 40 stickers of brides, grooms, rings, and flowers to "celebrate our love." Inside the card? A giant sticker of Alcatraz.

From the Mr. Mom Files.  Scene: 4:30 a.m.
Child: Papa, I accidently wet the bed a little bit.
Brian:  Just throw down a towel, we'll deal with it later.  But don't turn on the light, you might wake up your sister.
Child: But how will I see?
Brian: Use a glo-stick.
I love when Dad is on duty.

On Spending Quality Time Together:

Know that when you watch a Rob Pattinson movie (even a non-Twilight one) with your husband you will be asked "Is he going to sparkle now?" about seven times.

When I thought I'd appreciate more of my husband's attention, "Honey, where did your ankles go?" wasn't what I had in mind.

Brian found my stash.  Worse, he chose not to confront me and instead ATE IT ALL.  My "sanity chocolate" is gone.

Serenaded Brian to sleep last night.  "Rocket" by Def Leopard.  While wearing my bite guard. "Ssssssssatelite of love!"  Who says there's no romance in marriage?

The Better Half.  Oh, and Brian, too.
Have a wonderful weekend! See y'all Monday!

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