Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Last Friday Night - Katy Perry

Friday was the end of my "two days in bed with the summer flu" good time.  My triathlon is July 21 (a.k.a. this Saturday), and this was supposed to be my peak training week. My body was all, "Good luck with that," as it skipped a 15 mile bike ride, an open water swim, and a 6 mile run over the span of three days.  But Friday afternoon found me feeling significantly better, albeit tired, and sufficiently freaked out about the lost training time.  

Sarah, yet again, became my Superwoman Training Partner sent from Heaven, and asked if I'd like to do a mini-sprint practice tri on Friday night.  We would go to the metropark around 6:00 p.m., do a short swim-bike-run, and practice timed transitions.  (Sounds just like a Friday night with Katy Perry, right?)

Lessons from the practice tri:

1. I still suck in the water.  Open water swim is so different from the pool,  primarily because I am convinced the Loch Ness Monster is lurking beneath the surface ready to eat my face off essentially blind once I start swimming. Someone forgot to mention to the Lord on the third day to add a visible lap line on the floor of bodies of water that might one day host triathlons, and consequently, I swim in a fantastically accurate zigzag pattern. (Fun fact not related at all to this post: I have two children who, on entirely separate occasions and completely independent of one another, have given themselves black eyes by walking into walls. Both times the child walked into the wall because she was pretending to be blind.)(We should probably stop renting The Miracle Worker.)

I also managed to swim into a recreational swimmer, and instead of being able to apologize, I inhaled a boatload (haha) of lake water and made a horrible gutteral gasping sound as I tried to inhale air where there was no room to inhale air.  I tried desperately to be able to cough so I could get a good breath, but my predominant thought was, "Keep moving; don't put your feet down because Nessie is waiting for a chance to kill you."

My new open water survival plan is to stealthily tether myself to a more experienced swimmer and have her act as my seeing eye dog.  This is probably against both the formal rules and the spirit of the triathlon, but would be horribly awesome if I got away with it.  My triathlon is on Lake Huron and since I don't have a valid passport, it's really a matter of national security I stay on course and far away from Canada.  So really, I'm just being a responsible citizen.  I'll let you know how that works out.

2. I'm really good fast at transition because I'm not a "details" person.  Sarah is really particular about sand between her toes and I'm all "there's my feet, Buuuuuuuddy" (in your best Pauly Shore voice).  My biggest concern has been with my hair (high ponytail for the swim, but that doesn't work well with my bike helmet, so low pony for the swim and bike, but low pony doesn't work with my running visor, so back to high pony, which is problematic for the bike, et cetera  ... *head explodes* no pony needed - problem solved).  Plus, I'm not one of those serious athletes that has bike shoes that clip on their pedals, so my bike to run transition is focused mainly on remembering to take off my bike helmet* and teaching my legs how to run after biking for an hour.

*Two weeks ago, during a brick workout (bike, then immediately run), I found myself running in that retardo "you thought your legs were controlled by your own brain but apparently they are listening to some voo-doo doctor brain that specializes in gait issues" way.  I was about a half mile from home when I realized I still had my helmet on.  Good thing I looked as though I needed it, or it may have been a bit embarrassing.

3.  Sarah's bike makes me feel like I'm flying.  She's offered to let me ride it during my tri, but I'm a bit intimidated.  It's like, a road bike.

4.  I should probably learn the hand signals to communicate with drivers when I'm riding my bike on the road.  However, no one really knows what these mean anyway, so when I put up a hand signal, I'm really just alerting anyone in the vicinity that I'm going to do something different than what I'm doing now.  For now, I just make up hand signals as I go along.  Usually I throw up an upside down "M", which is my gang sign for "Midwest."  I'm so street.

5. I talk incessantly.  This may be no surprise to someone who knows me, but I didn't realize until I was ready to die on the run portion and couldn't talk.  Sarah is a saint who has no other choice but to lets me ramble because I never shut up on our long bike rides, but this was our first run together, and dude, it was quiet.  One of us might have been struggling to finish, and therefore couldn't comment on every.single.thought. that graced her mind.

6.  I am incredibly hot in my tri shorts.  Like, "wow" hot.  Or "oh Dear Lord" hot - I forget which one.  If you are lucky, I'll post some pics* from the actual triathlon and you can witness this spectacle.
(* Who am I kidding?  I will be posting pics of this triathlon for years.)

Even though the circumstances weren't the best, I'm really glad I did a practice tri. And I'm super stoked for Saturday.  My goal is to finish with a smile, and I can't wait to post all about it.  Providing the Loch Ness Monster doesn't get me, that is.


  1. Ha! I love the loch ness monster of the metropark. ;) But I am sooooo impressed that you're doing a tri! You can do it!!

    1. Thanks, Steph! I am starting to get nervous/excited. I might carry a stun gun for the loch ness monster. Probably.


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