Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Reasons I haven't blogged in a week

Ohmylanta, I can't remember the last time I took an unscheduled week off from blogging. (Please tell me you noticed.)(Or at least lie to make me feel better.) Here are the official Reasons I Haven't Blogged in a Week.

1. This dude ...

"Yeah, I'm two and a half and that's a nuk.  Try to take it away and I'll cut you."

... got pinkeye.  This manifested first as swollen eyes that I diagnosed as allergies and treated with Benadryl. Then sweet baby boy woke up crying during the last ten minutes of Safe Haven starring Josh Duhamel, which dictated I pause the movie to check on the kid, discover the telltale eye goo, and dose him with the leftover pinkeye medicine we keep on hand because I am a good mother who would totally notice right away if our pinkeye medicine expired in January, and not after I'd already administered two doses.  (Good thing I also have no shame when it comes to committing the cardinal sin of parenting as is involved with pediatric medicine.)(Otherwise I would have felt terrible asking our doctor to have a "quick look at Ezra" during Eve's ten year old check up appointment.)(What I really meant was "can you please just prescribe some more medicine for this awesome case of pinkeye we have going on?" because by the fourth kid you do not need a degree in medicine to know conjunctivitis.)

Normally pinkeye would not affect this blog in the slightest except that Friday morning is prime "finish writing so I can post" time, but Ezra was committed to using my time otherwise. Ezra's plans included Mama "sleeping" in his bed while he spent the next hour and a half kicking her in the arm pits.

Mama: Dude.  That's enough. Go to sleep.
Ezra: *giggle* No, no, Mama.

It was an awesome night that did not include much sleep. I chose to sleep in rather than blather away incoherently here.  You're welcome.

2. This girl ...

Me and Cassie.  She has handcuffs and a gun.  Plus she was totally recognized for her squad car driving skillz.

... is now fully 5-0.  My baby sister graduated from the Police Academy!  So what I'm saying is that you shouldn't mess with me.  Because I know people that could mess your shizz up with parking tickets.

Cassie's graduation ceremony was Friday night, and my mom hosted a party for her on Saturday. My brother Steve came in from Chicago for the weekend and he brought his lady Natalia (who is awesome and brought all the kiddos presents from her recent work travels to India and Dubai).  I ate waaaaay too much pizza and one and a half pieces of cake. Plus Cassie's mom-in-law made this amazing salad that I convinced myself was healthy because it was loaded with veggies (and maybe a tiny bit of dressing)(you know, where "tiny" means "the peas are floating in it").

Me, Brian, Steve, Natalia, Cassie and her husband Andy

3. Mother's Day ...

I'm a mom.  That's why I am grocery shopping at 6:00 a.m. on Mother's Day.

... totally happened.  I did not sleep in or get breakfast in bed which is tradition at our house (although I totally bought myself Tim Horton's so don't worry, the tummy was taken care of) but I did get some sweet cards with a lot of homemade coupons (including one for a bike tune-up = score!) so I made out okay.  The best part of Mother's Day was that after church we got in the car and drove to OHIO.  (Awww yeah.)  Why Ohio?  Because that's the home of Kalahari Water Park.

This ride is called the Cheetah Race.  You ride this whole thing face first on your stomach while laying on a mat.  It has a lot of enclosed tubes that start five stories up and circle around on the way down before that drop at the end.  I went on this once.  It involved me getting stuck at the top and the teenage lifeguard in charge of telling us when to go shouting, "STAY ON YOUR BELLY" while everyone in line watched me try to propel myself down the chute by flopping around on the mat.  It made me feel vaguely like I was in a porno and I never rode it again.  (P.S. I didn't know how to spell "vaguely" and it autocorrected to "vaginally" which was at least in the ballpark with the other words in that sentence.)(Well done, Autocorrect.) 

We spent two days frolicking in the water.  Ezra and Esther loved the baby pool and the wave pool and Eve and Hosanna loved the many slides.  I loved the Lazy River because I'm a thrill seeker like that. I will write more about Kalahari later because I have seen too many awesome things to sum up in a little blurb right now.  (Just try to imagine the tattoos I've been exposed to this week.)

Sorry I've been MIA, but it's back to normal life from here on out. I'll see you Friday!


  1. I love your writing, Kelly! And now I really can't wait to go to Kalahari, although that crazy slide sounds maybe toooo interesting!

    1. Thanks so much! Kalahari was so much fun, but I am fully done with the Cheetah Race. ;-)

  2. So glad you're back Kelly!! I totally missed ya :) sounds like you had a very busy week, at least it ended on a high note tattoos and all.

    1. Thanks, Alma! I thought *I* had bad tattoos. Kalahari was a visual feast. I have a lot to say. I'll save it for a post ;-)

  3. I TOTALLY noticed you weren't blogging and I'm so glad you're back! Also, there's a Kalahari in Wisconsin Dells and we stayed there once because my cousin's wedding was held there. And we hit up the water park and totally did the mat races! That place is awesome!

    1. It is HUGE! We went to Great Wolf Lodge last year and it was seriously a quarter of the size of Kalahari. I was unprepared for how much there was to do there. The kiddos were in heaven!

  4. definitely noticed your lack of posts and missed you! I love a good lazy river as the water slides, but have a fear of heights, so HATE having to stand on those rickety, see through stairs WAITING to go on the water slide.....

    1. That is awful, isn't it? It also seems way breezier up there, even indoors. I think the only thing that would make the Lazy River better would be a cold drink :)

  5. These are not good enough reasons Kelly! I need my DAILY dose of laughter! Don't do it again! ;)


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