"I'm Brian, the Other White Meat."

A totally cropped, scrapbooked, un-scrapbooked, and scanned wedding pic.  Keepin' it professional up in here.
Also, tru luv.

The hubs and I are celebrating twelve years of wedded bliss on Sunday.  Twelve years!  We are officially "tweens".  So I suppose we should buy some Bieber bedding. Here is our story.

Shawn - Rock Star Extraordinaire
and Super Cute Boy who is now
married to a gorgeous woman and
has two gorgeous kiddos. Sorry, ladies.

Once upon a time, an awesome teenager named Kelly went to a club to hear bad punk rock.  She was fickle and boy crazy (and had a horrendous haircut) and saw a Super Cute Boy over by the stage.  She made her way over and started talking to this boy.  His name was Shawn and he was pleased to make her acquaintance and oh, she studied music at Wayne State University in Detroit? How funny - his best friend Brian was going there in the fall to study music!

In the fall, Kelly could not wait to meet Brian because he was the gateway to Shawn. In fact, she included, "You're Shawn's friend!" in their very first conversation.  Brian indeed was Shawn's friend, and he was funny and liked good music except when it comes to Needtobreathe but that's mostly because he's jealous of Bear.

1998, y'all.

One day, after having discussed their mutual love for the band Sunny Day Real Estate and the upcoming sold out show to which Brian had a ticket and Kelly did not, Brian turned to Kelly and handed her his concert ticket.  He said, "The Lord told me to give this to you."  Kelly, thinking he said "Laura told me ..." answered back, "Well, does she want any money for it?" (This would foreshadow years of amazing communication skills and Kelly's bat-like sense of hearing.) Upon learning the origin of the gift was a suggestion of Jesus and not Laura, Kelly's first thought was, "The Lord talks to you? Whatever, Psycho." (This did not stop her from accepting the gift and has fully cemented the life long philosophy that if people offer you free stuff you want, you should undoubtedly take it, because it might just lead to love, marriage, and a baby (or four) in a baby carriage.)

Kelly went to the concert and, more importantly, learned the Lord actually talks to everyone. She eventually learned to listen.

Brian wooed Kelly with pick up line gems like, "I'm Brian, the Other White Meat."  This was the height of the Great Pork Campaign (editor note: I don't remember that being a *thing* either) and was delivered with just enough ridiculousness to make it awesome and win her heart.

Brian and Kelly were engaged in June of 1999 and would rather die a thousand deaths than plan a wedding again.  If either of them kicks the bucket, the other solemnly swears to remarry only by eloping.  (But only the kind of eloping to which everyone is invited.)(But with no planning involved.)(Like, "Hey, what are you doing right now? Come watch us get married.  Then maybe we'll all go to Taco Bell.")(Because they are classy.)

Shower #1

Shower #2

Kelly enjoyed three wedding showers, while poor Brian only got to show up at the end and collect the gifts to transport home.  He did make out pretty well at the second shower, where his parents gave them a weedwacker, garbage cans, and a grill. And also maybe at the bachelorette party because, let's be real, most of those gifts were really for him anyway.

The wedding was beautiful mainly because Kelly's mom is an Ebay Master.  It rained, but hey, you can't buy everything on Ebay. To this day Brian can not tell you one detail about his wedding ceremony or the reception that followed, but since that is obviously a result of him being beyond in love with his bride, he is given a pass on the memories of the Day That Changed Bettered His Life Forever. Good thing there are so many pictures to jog that memory.

From left: Jackie, Lisa, Eboni, Ringbearer Grifin, MOH/sister Cassie, Kelly, Brian, BM Kevin, Super Cute Boy Shawn (isn't it ironic?)(don'tcha think?), Lauren's Hubby David, and little brother Steve. (And dude, it was totally 2001.)

Twelve years in pictures: (don't worry; it's greatly summarized)

July 1999 Engaged
"Awwww"

Eve is born and Hosanna is due to arrive in less than two months.
2004

Hosanna is born with a dainty birth weight of eleven pounds, three ounces.
2004 

Esther joins the family.
2007

A boy?! Ezra joins the brood.
Brian hates this picture.
Maybe because Kelly made him wear that shirt.
Probably.
2010

The whole family at Disney World.
2012

And they lived happily ever after.