|"Second Place is First Loser."|
-the Navy Seals
I don't want to get too bragg-y, but in terms of my running speed, I'm pretty solidly in the 40th percentile. Roughly 60 percent of the other runners in the race will cross the finish line before me. I'm okay with that because 30 percent are finishing after me*, which I'm sure we all can agree is the main point of races. You know, to beat somebody.
(*Even at my slowest, my very first 5K was comprised of both walkers and runners so I was guaranteed a middle-of-the-pack
As I was picking my races I thought, "It might be really cool to do an Olympic distance triathlon this summer." The Olympic distance is twice as long as the Sprint distance I did last year. I spent a few days warming up to the idea, looked up a good race, and committed. I was going to do an OLYMPIC DISTANCE TRIATHLON. I wrote out my training plan and took some time to revel in my own Bad-A self. It was while I was dwelling on my awesomeness, picturing myself competing in this particular race, when I was struck by a horrifying thought.
(If you are a runner, there are a few acronyms you pick up along the way. "PR" stands for the Personal Record, "LSD" is the long slow distance I drop every Sunday before church, and "ACL" is an injury to avoid like the plague. Some acronyms you learn to save time, some to be cool, and some just for plain old survival. There is one such survival acronym in my arsenal that I never-evah-evah (Sorry Ms. Jackson)(forevah-evah?) wanted to see associated with my name.
D F L.
Dead Effing Last.)
I realized, what with the size (this race is very small. Last year about 120 people raced the Sprint. Only seventeen raced the Olympic. Of those seventeen, two were women.) and caliber of athlete competing in this race (last year's slowest time - by a lot - for Olympic was 2:53:46), if I do the Olympic Distance Triathlon I want to do, there is a huge chance I will finish last. Like last out of the whole entire race. Both Sprint and Olympic combined. DFL.
"So, Kelly, what's the big deal, find a different race." I know. I could just find something bigger and
So I've taken the first step. (Admitting you have a problem is the first step, right?) I've also taken the official next step, which I've decided is "Contact the race organizers and make sure there is not a time cut off for the Olympic distance." Because the only thing more embarrassing than a DFL finish is the one you are not allowed to finish because you're TFS*.
*I made that one up. You can work it out on your own.