For those that have had exactly three migraines in their entire life and have no set plan, I offer some suggestions for dealing with that pesky little headache that blurs your vision has you just wanting to
The first thing you will want to do is deny you have a migraine. You will go about your regular day reasoning, Hey, you're a homeschooler, the children need their education. Math will be especially awesome when you have to focus on converting millimeters to centimeters and cannot see the decimal point because it won't stand still.
Next, you will admit you have a bit of a headache and search for some Excedrin to take the edge off the pain. You will also remember that dehydration causes slight headaches and you had a decent trail ride the evening prior; so you'll just down a few liters of agua and know you'll totally be fine.
After school is done - where you've done a stellar job and only had to take scissors away from the two year old one time
The noise from the lawn mower is actually considerably less than the noise from your children
Ten minutes into this chore, you will hate your neighbors. Who are they, anyway, to assume you are a hoarder? And seriously, while Don and Kelly to the left always edged their lawn, Eric and Stephanie to the right never did. Which made it totally cool that you could slack in that department. You loved Eric and Stephanie. But then Eric had to go and get "seasonal allergies so bad he could no longer mow the lawn himself" and hire a service who consider edging the lawn something you do every time you stop by for a quick trim, which only highlights the fact that you do not edge your own lawn with nearly enough frequency
Lunch time means you will figure maybe you are just hungry. It's merely a hunger headache that is causing the lights to get so bright your eyes are reduced to slits even indoors. The kids totally win and get mac-n-cheese because for the love of God why are they being so loud?! You will have a Weight Watchers frozen meal and tell yourself it's healthy because it is calorie controlled and includes spinach. Spinach is good for your eyes, right? Or is that carrots? Either way it's a vegetable, so, there's that.
After lunch you will cuddle some kids on the couch while your eight year old reads a storybook because there is no way you can handle that mess. You will decide that scrunching your face up - eyes tightly shut, nose like a rabbit sniffing, and mouth puckered - is the best method of pain management currently available, and you will sit like that for the duration of story hour.
At nap time you will finally admit you have a migraine. You will take a shower and pray to throw up, and after that, lie quietly on the couch until the kiddos come creeping out. This is where your genius will truly reveal itself.
You will convince the five year old to play Sports Medicine. She will be the trainer responsible for gently massaging every muscle in your body from the neck down. The ten year old will be a Scalp Masseuse. You won't even know if this is a thing, but if you say it with enough authority it totally becomes a thing. She will gently rub your scalp as you stress the importance of whispering in the presence of a client. How this morphs into a game of Examine the Pregnancy Stretch Marks and Assign Possession to Each Child, you have no idea. But soon the five year old and ten year old are appraising both the color and depth of each mark and declaring whose era of pregnancy to which they belong. As you lift your head in disbelief to witness this game, you engage your abdominal muscles, which raises your entire abdominal area
As awesome as that is, you will sigh in relief when the neighborhood kids return home from school, and your brood bolts outside to play with them. This signals not only the start of a quiet house but also that reinforcements, in the form of your spouse, are coming home to take over soon.
When the spouse comes home, retreat to your bedroom, draw the shades, get into bed, and dream about a McDonald's hot fudge sundae.
(Disclaimer: The information found on this site is provided as a resource for viewers and is NOT intended as medical recommendations or professional advice ... but I'm pretty sure a real life doctor would recommend the exact same thing.)
Aw sorry about the migrane. But to be honest, that was the most entertaining a migrane has ever been to a viewer on this side. Way to soldier on in the day!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Sometimes you have to laugh or cry (or finally just collapse on the couch)
DeleteI'm so behind, but once I start reading, I just can't stop...you, clearly, could have been a neurologist... ;) (sorry for such a horrific headache, but I admire the way you made it work with the kids...)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Megan! I think being a SAHM who homeschools qualifies me as a neurologist. I see a lot of brain issues in my day to day life ;-)
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