Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

I was going to pin this on Pinterest, but that's like, Pinception. Or something.

Um, I think this is USA Triathlon sanctioned.
Or totally should be.
Another Saturday, another long bike ride. This one was scheduled to be 15 miles followed by a 20 minute run.  I also knew Sarah and I were headed to the lake later that day to attempt my first ever OPEN WATER SWIM!, so I was totally ready to justify eating that Big Mac dominate the way triathletes do, by rocking all three sports in one day.

I thought I would take advantage of my close proximity to the recently renovated four million dollar bike path, allowing me access to 44 miles of trail designated for cyclists and runners alike.  Except that the State of Michigan is really intent on keeping me off the trail, because they have chosen prime cycling season to attack all the bridge work over the trail, making entrance to the path tricky.  But I persevered (i.e. went to mapmyride), and discovered a secret batman route onto the path. (Which?  Probably should have stayed secret until I got shocks for a certain body part that rhymes with "China".)

Let me say:  The path is awesome.  Not as awesome as the hardcore, X-Games, secluded woods trail.  But fully paved, moderately empty, and only a slight creepoid factor as you trek behind a rest stop. (Really, State of MI?  Are you not fully up on your urban legends?)

Since it was along a major highway (for all you stalkers it totally wasn't 275) there was a fair amount of litter, and I noticed a really disturbing trend as my ride continued.  I would see this:

and think, "Oh my gosh, that could totally be a super cute vase/necklace/aluminum bouquet of flowers/uprecycled reusable handmade bag!"

I should have thought, "SICK!  Who knows where that nasty GARBAGE has been?  I should wear gloves to throw it out, and not even consider covering it in hot glue and burlap/twine/ribbon and sticking it on my kitchen table!"  This is when I knew I have been grievously affected by Pinterest. And not only was Pinterest making me environmentally friendly absolutely delusional, but I have no idea where to go to get help.

You see, there is no such thing as a Pinterest Support Group.  I'm sure, once upon a time, someone tried to initiate one, but it was doomed from conception.  I don't know a lot about support groups, but I'm pretty sure you need to have meetings.  And a group of Pinterest junkies organizing a meeting would only further their problems.

A Pinterest Support Group meeting would have SNACKS

And a PLACE to talk about ADDICTION

and I'm pretty sure you need a MODERATOR, someone who is in recovery from the addiction.  Here are all the images in the entire Internet of people who have recovered from Pinterest.

*insert sound of crickets*

So, today, I'm taking matters into my own hand.  I declare I will not pull that (perfectly sized) waterlogged cork board from the drainage ditch.  It may only need some fabric, a cute frame, and fumigation to make it usable, but I will bravely ride past, and not spend two more miles wondering exactly how I could have gotten it home on my bike.

All the beads, wire, and jewelry making tools I bought to make these necklaces?  They are going to hang out on my dresser until they spontaneously turn into bird's nests, until the end of time for another four months.  Then I will reassess.  (Because technically I could have bought one necklace on Etsy for less the price of buying all the materials to make one myself, but if you factor in that I could now make bird's nest necklaces for everyone I know, it's now way more economical to own the stuff.) (*Spoiler* - once I nail this, Everyone I Know, this is totally your Christmas/birthday gift for 2012 2013 let's not ruin the surprise.)

IN CONCLUSION, it's really late and I need to check Pinterest go to bed.  Good night.


  1. OMG, I am ROTF at the Pinterest Support Group--you totally nailed it!!

  2. So... I once (for an extended period of time) bought all kinds of expensive supplies and "equipment" because I decided I would start making cards... and selling them on Etsy. Yeah... then I realized that I was not artistic and for all the money I was spending I'd have to charge like, $10 for a card and who wants to pay $10 for a card? So... I have a letterpress machine which is still in the box after 2.5 years and bins and cases full of unused supplies... :) And I still go to the store everytime I need to give someone a card...

    1. Lol, I totally feel you. It's all about grandiose plans, right?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...