|This is hilarious if you know|
Bear Grylls. If not, it's probably
disturbing in view of
my SuperNanny post.
Google Bear Grylls immediately.
Which is both disappointing and embarrassing, as I have been liberally applying the rule and claiming to "eat clean" for years.
It's all the rage for triathletes (well, I'm pretty sure all athletes, but triathletes are the people whose blogs I am currently stalking) and after about 20 billion references to "clean eating", I decided to do some research (i.e. Goggle it) and truly define what it is.
Turns out no one knows.
There are so many different ideas about clean eating my head started to spin after visiting just two pages. Like with any idea that is simple in theory (eat only things found in nature) but hard to apply (because Nutella is delicious) people have added rules and amendments to make their struggle seem more legit.*
*which is fine, I'm not judging. I'm all about justification and Lord knows I have eaten
With clean eating some people focus more on unprocessed foods, some mostly on the way you view food and how and when you feed your body, some on avoiding preservatives and artificial ingredients. The hardcore people do all three. And more, maybe. As I said, I actually know nothing about this. Some tout* the benefits of veganism, while others wouldn't dream of cutting out fish, chicken, or eggs.
*random linguistic fact not at all related to this post: "tout" actually has connotations with horse racing (like to solicit bets on a race horse) so it's kind of the most inappropriate word to use when applied to the benefits of veganism. Which is both ironic and useful information. BAM! - you're smarter.
I have dabbled in the thought of trying to eat clean. And by dabbled I mean I thought, "That would be a lot healthier," as I noshed on Cracker Jack. Also, every morning I vow to drink all eight glasses of water I'm supposed to be drinking, so there's that. I also own wheat germ. I'm practically the poster child for the Food Pyramid. Not that I trust/believe in the Food Pyramid; we all know it's totally the secret love child of Big Food and the U.S. Government. (And THAT'S how you get put on watch lists.)
If I designed the food pyramid it would look a lot different. Like
I think my main problem with eating clean is that sometimes you just need chocolate. And not a small square of dark chocolate filled with antioxidants. You need a big piece of sugary milk chocolate filled with peanut butter. Or caramel. Or some sort of nougaty goodness.
Also? Fast food. Anyone who has experienced the blessed silence that descends upon the minivan after the
So, to hijack a potentially helpful and encouraging blog entry about clean eating and healthy living from a woman who has lost some weight, let me say, thank God for processed/unclean/junk food. Because some of us are premenstrual. Still.
P.S. As far as the "eating foods found only in nature" part of eating clean, I'm pretty sure the Lord meant to create a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Bush, he just got distracted with kudzu, and that's why it is so out of hand today. Which is why all you clean eaters can now add Peanut Butter Cups to your diet. You're welcome.
|Kelly's guide to Clean Eating. |
I will add that anything chocolate gets an extra 5 seconds when dropped.