Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Not a drop of pig's blood anywhere.

true story bro.
Wednesday I verbally spewed posted about my decision to put on my big girl panties and face my fear of lifting weights at the gym that evening. I was nervous all day long, and even tried several times to talk myself out of it. Thankfully I suck at negotiations, so when Brian got home from work I headed to Lifetime and prepared to finally lift heavy weights with the big boys during peak hours.

The first thing I did when I got upstairs at Lifetime was find a treadmill and warm up. I prefer the treadmills over by the weights because they are much closer to the TV's  I can spy inconspicuously on other people working out  they are newer and my running is smoother. I usually run about a half a mile. I chose a treadmill in plain sight of the squat rack so I could torture myself for a full half mile in preparation for squatting.

When it came time to get off the treadmill I totally couldn't do it. I was all, "Maybe I'll run another minute," except multiply that thought times five. I ended up running a full mile before I realized I was going to burn my legs out if I kept that mess up. I needed to it.

Both squat racks were in use. I picked the one closest to me (a.k.a. my favorite rack and the only one I've ever used) and the dude on it said he had two more sets left. I thought about deadlifting first, but there were already three guys lifting there, and someone was working the ropes, so space was already really tight. Within a minute the other squat rack opened up, so I bee-lined it over and claimed it like an alpha male. (i.e. I threw my crap down and kicked off my shoes like I was IN MY OWN HOUSE.)(Because WHO'S HOUSE IS THIS?!?! MY HOUSE, BEACH-ES)(I may have been listening to Eminem rap Won't Back Down on my iPod at that time.)

(Also, "beach-es" is for Lauren.)(You're welcome)

I'm kind of glad I got the rack I was on because there was no mirror, so I really couldn't obsess over who might be watching me. I took a deep breath and actually self-talked. I was all, "You got this, Kel." It was totally like a Nike commercial in my mind only. I squatted the bar to warm up, then did a set at 65#. I did two sets at 85#, and a final set at 95#. It was interesting to note how much easier it is to squat at night as compared to 4:00 a.m. I was really warmed up and felt so much stronger. I felt like I could have gone another 20# but my heart rate was so high from nerves I called that set a victory and moved on to deadlifting.

Two guys were already set up in the area I needed to be in, so I waited until I caught their eyes and they gym pantomimed (you know, the non-verbal communication that happens when everyone is plugged in to some kind of device) that of course I was welcomed to set up as well.

I had a moment of panic when I realized the metal thingies (or, as Kemper calls them, "the weight clips") I needed to use were all taken, and the only ones left were the black ones. Yes, the same black ones Kemper has at his house that I couldn't figure out by myself and still didn't really understand. Still, I had to use something because it's what you do. I walked over all calm and collected and picked up the black ones and prayed Lord Jesus, please gift me with spontaneous mechanical skillz and He totally did because I figured that mess out in roughly two seconds. #miracle

Now that I looked like I knew what I was doing with the black clips I was free to deadlift. This was a bit trickier because I was facing a wall of mirrors and also surrounded by people, so I didn't need to obsessively imagine who was looking at me, I could see it with my own eyes.

The consensus? Nobody really cares what I'm doing. That realization could have been vaguely disappointing if I was someone with narcissistic tendencies. (Haha, that's a blogger joke.) I did my normal deadlift set, and felt the same way I did about squatting; I think at night I'll be able to lift a bit heavier.

I finished with the rest of my leg day routine. I've changed it up a bit since my last post about leg day, mainly because since then I've trained with Kemper and he showed me some new things to add. I did reverse lunges with kettlebells, some Romanian deadlifts with a 45# plate, plie squat jumps, bridges, leg extension, and hamstring curls.

I was so freaking jubilant at this point that I decided to extend my cool down run with intervals. I did about 2.5 miles of a combination of sprints, high incline walks, and recovery jogs. I was so happy and proud of myself I forgot Brian needed me home because he had an 8:00 appointment and I pulled in the driveway at 8:30. Total wife fail. (But don't worry, Brian is as awesome as he seems and reacted by saying, "I'm glad you're not dead. I have to go," and the minute he returned from his appointment said, "So how did lifting go?" because he's the Best Husband Ever.)

So, yeah, being a nighttime meathead was fantastic.

In other Really Important Life-altering News: I have some weight loss updates.

First, here are the picture results of the 90 day weight loss challenge. I feel like they would be way more impressive if I was wearing a sports bra and some shorts but Brian would kill me there are teen boys from my church that read my blog occasionally and I got a rep to maintain, y'all. This first picture is me at 168.9 and 37% body fat.

These are my Second Day Jeans. Those are the jeans that are miserable to wear the first day but finally fit you the second day. In this picture, even the Second Day is looking pretty uncomfortable. Also, the arms of that shirt were cutting off my freaking circulation.

This second picture was taken a few weeks ago. 149.9 and 24.4% body fat.

Same clothes straight out of the dryer. Hot. Literally.
My Second Day Jeans are now too big to even be First Day Jeans and have been put in my Big Girl Pile under the bed.

I haven't posted any weigh ins for a while for a few reasons. One was that it was harder than I thought to sneak onto the fancy scale at Lifetime. I wanted to use the same scale for consistency purposes but also because it gives me body fat percentage. I was able to weigh myself twice during my 4:00 mornings, but I have been suffering a tenacious plateau for a few weeks. I've been hanging out at around 150# and between 24-25% body fat since the challenge ended. I had/have no idea why but it is what it is.

But last Thursday I weighed in with the new trainer* (because remember I won a month of free personal training at Lifetime?!) and I weighed in at 150.3 and 24.8% body fat. We decided that every Thursday I could weigh in with him, so last night I got on that scale and weighed in at 147.9 with a body fat of 23.6%. ONE FORTY SEVEN POINT NINE Y'ALL. That, my friends, is my LOWEST ADULT WEIGHT EVER. (*Picture confetti falling from the ceiling because that totally happened in my mind*) That's also my lowest body fat percentage, so I'm a happy girl.

(*I'll write about the new trainer once we've had a few more sessions.)(You know, to be fair and all.)(Spoiler: he's not a meathead.)

I'll leave you with this crappy iPhone picture awesome shot of my Saturday night 13 Years of Wedded Bliss Anniversary Date cheat meal. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did :)

What you can't see - my turkey sandwich is on cranberry walnut bread. Also on my sandwich? Apples. And yes, that *is* diet coke. #partyhard


  1. Wassup, BEACH-ES?! You show 'em how it's done! :D

    1. California knows how to party.
      California knows how to party.

      I was thinking the other day, what if Dog Beach was just for girl dogs? Do you know what they would have to call it? Yep. My brain's been busy.

      Have a great day, BEACH-ES!

    2. WHAT THE????!!!!! Why where you two up at 3:30 in the morning??! You're both grounded.

    3. Haha, my clock is all off. This was written at about 7:00 eastern time. Don't worry, I was totally sleeping at 3:30 ;)

  2. YAY!! Glad you got to 147 but you know there is a good chance you might end up gaining weight someday because dat muscle gainz. Check out the big man on campus! You look fantastic! Do you see how taller you stand? Kinda cool.

    So is not being a meathead a good thing, or a bad thing? I mean really it could go either way......right? Wait are we not on the same page here on what a meathead is? Come to think of it, do I really know what a meathead is? Thanks Kelly, now I head into my weekend confused.

    1. Yeah, I'm getting better about the gaining idea as long as my bf drops. "Meathead" is just the term I used to generalized all lifters with Kemper when he first started me lifting. Now I just use it tongue in cheek.
      I'm totally staying positive about the new trainer because after two weeks of high rep/low weight circuits he FINALLY let me lift for strength last night. It was rad.


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