Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Just Call Me Sasquatch

Don't count your chickens, y'all.

I was so one hundred percent sure I was going to hit goal at my weigh-in that I almost scheduled my reward hair and eyebrow appointment on Monday morning nine hours before my actual weigh in. I thought, "Why wait until Tuesday to schedule the appointment I am surely going to earn?" Because of course I was going to lose .7 of a pound and hit goal. I've lost weight every single week of this challenge (the exception being the major pigout back in March one minor deviation from the plan Kemper gave me where I ate Mexican food until I burst and gained .5 pounds that week). This week was no different than any other week that resulted in a LOSS. I was really faithful to my eating plan and even PR'd some of my lifting weights. If anything I was much more committed because I need my eyebrows done so badly and I am so close to the prize.

But sometimes the scale is not your friend.

The good news? I went from 26.1% body fat down to 24.4% body fat which is the lowest I've been in my entire adult life. I'm officially not obese as far as The Internet Medical Community and Google are concerned. But my actual weight? It freaking went up. I actually gained .2 of a pound (I know, someone shoot me while I play my whiny violin here). So this week? I weighed in at 149.9 with a body fat percentage of 24.4%. Dude. Seriously. Just call me Sasquatch Eyebrows.

This Saturday is the official end of the challenge. I have one more chance to reach goal during the challenge. BRING IT FREAKING ON, SCALE. Lifetime Fitness is holding a raffle for everyone who shows up for the final weigh in and the prize is one month of personal training. That's eight sessions with a personal trainer. They are giving away four of these bad boys and I really really really want one. I'll let you know if my pathetic pleading face gets me more entries.

Other News of Vital Importance

24: Live Another Day - Meh. Brian and I don't sit and watch that much television, so after two whole hours of sitting on the couch I was suffering. And by suffering I mean I was struggling to stay awake while Brian jabbed me every few minutes and said, "You're not asleep, are you?"

My Master Plan to Infiltrate the Early Morning Meatheads - Phase One went fairly well. This morning was leg day, and while I'm waiting for Kemper to teach me to squat with the Olympic bar, today I managed to get out the Little Bar (technical term, I'm sure) and some weights and squat heavier than I ever have before. My main goal was to not fall over because balance has never been a great friend to me and I totally met *that* goal.

While I was over in the Meathead section, I noticed one of the nicer meatheads doing cleans while my Booty Boyfriend did deadlifts next to him. I have been studying cleans recently with Elliott Hulse and am worried about hurting my wrists. I watched him during my leg press set and finally went over and asked about where to hold the weight during cleans. (Yes, I was totally ready for another "Are you looking at my butt?" exchange.)(But this time I was prepared.)(This is mainly because one of my Sister Wives is hilarious and gave me the most inappropriate line of all times which I will never ever be able to speak in the moment but at least gives me courage knowing a comeback is handy if I ever need it.)

The Nice Meathead lived up to his name and explained all about where to hold the weight. My Booty Boyfriend chimed in twice during our conversation about cleans and each time made a completely relevant joke about mopping. Because any girl that cleans is sure to be using a mop.

He's a charmer, that one.

So phase one ended with two of the meatheads who have pretended I'm invisible for two months looking at me and not through me and giving me helpful and encouraging advice, and one meathead still trying to (*insert sarcasm font*) win my heart.

I think Phase One was a success.


  1. Woo hooo! Success on so many fronts! As for the reward.....drat, i was thinking about ordering my next reward online in the next day or two...even though I have 2 pounds to go..... TOTALLY would have not used it until I actually earned it though!!! You shamed me into waiting!

    1. Haha - no shame! An earned reward is so sweet, right?

  2. Bet you gained muscle...mmmm beautiful beautiful muscle.
    So was this guy like just cleaning? Was he doing it from the ground? I dunno I rarely just do cleans. Maybe my coach just hates us and always has to add a jerk or a overhead something evil or another. A clean gets the bar right where you need it for so many movements, a good thing to learn. Did he explain using all that energy from your hips, you can't just arm muscle that crap up. You gotta get under that bar. Thats the biggest hint with olympic moves evah. Its always about getting under the bar. As for your wrists, use the meaty front part of your shoulders/arms (wow thats easy to explain via the internet...not). Honestly your fingers are really just keeping that bar stable. If your doing that your wrists won't feel it, thats why it looks like insanity when you see someone doing it right. There really isn't much pressure on your wrists.....allrightie I'll shut up. Wait one more. Do you mean the 33 pd bar versus the 45 pd bar? Your not talking a strongman bar versus olympic are you? Would a globo gym even have strongman bars?! I'm pretty sure you mean 33 versus 45, right? WHATS A SHORT BAR DANG IT. Our short bars are- the shortest 15 pd and then second shortest 33 pds (which is called the girl bar, I'm going to have to ask today why its called that now) and then the 45 pd bar, longest. But we also have strongman bars but they are very thick and black, not used for typical olympic moves. You confused yet? Good.

    1. He pretty much said all the stuff you just told me. Also, I have no idea what the short bar is. But it's already loaded with weight so I can grab a 40# or a 50# or whatever.

      Also, I'm pretty sure in a perfect world you, Kemper, and Elliott Hulse would all live with me and we could all train together.

    2. Gotcha, now even the last post totally makes sense! And duh, its not like I haven't ever stepped into a gym. In a crossfit gym or a oly gym. You have what they call the girls bar. It's 33 pds and is a little more narrow for our hands. Then the olympic bar which is a bit thicker and 45 pds. I wish we could work out together. Man we would take that gym by storm and more than likely scare people to death.

  3. PS elbows UP(no higher) ok now bring them together a little, see how that bars feels all nice and secure now. K, CLEAN!


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