Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Me, Jermaine, Justin Timberlake, and Lifetime Fitness

Well, it happened.

In case you're wondering if you know anyone VIP-ish, look no further because this girl? Is totally a member of Lifetime Fitness.

picture insane back lighting and an angel chorus singing

You may remember my previous post involving my feelings for Lifetime Fitness. I swore I wouldn't succumb to the seduction of clean towels, Eucalyptus steam
room, rock wall, or seemingly unlimited supply of cardio equipment. I told myself it wasn't my scene, with its population of healthy women outfitted in trendy workout attire, their perfectly tweezed eyebrows and perky ponytails looking not at all mom-like. These are women who have never pretended it wasn't them when a teeny tiny bubble of flatulence escaped during a treadmill long run when GU consumption went horribly wrong. (For the record, it totally wasn't me.)(That time.)

The pull proved too strong. When my membership expired at my current gym my loyalty wavered. Lifetime beckoned to me like feta cheese on a greek pizza. (Which I'm pretty sure could bring about world peace if brokered carefully.) Also, I was gifted the price difference between my old gym and Lifetime, so it was actually cheaper (for me) to sign up at Lifetime.

It's a very spiritual diet.
My first dilemma was what to wear to sign up. I knew I would be working out that day but faced the reality that after three solid months of sedentary lifestyle while my foot and neck healed, combined with Thanksgiving  Christmas  daily nosh fests  less than responsible eating, none of my clothes fit. I mean, my yoga pants were alright because they are extremely forgiving. But every shirt I tried on left nothing to the imagination. You no longer had to imagine I had fat rolls padding my killer abs, my clothing put it allllllllll out there on fantastic display. I finally went with a cotton t-shirt that scored the highest in the non-clingage category (which made me die a little inside)(because everyone knows hardcore athletes wear Sweat Wicking Performance Tops for their sweat sessions and *not* cotton)(and I am totally a hardcore athlete in my mind only).

Sarah met me in the lobby while we waited for my friendly Lifetime associate to come and sign me up for membership.

And waited.

(In all fairness it was a Saturday morning.)

The wait proved to be worth it because when I met Jermaine I knew I now had a face to put with the phrase "I know people." I went to Lifetime expecting a regular old membership. And while that's pretty much what I got, I also got a bunch of promotional perks given to everyone in January the hook up from Jermaine because he's The Man. Don't get too jealous, but I'm on my way right now to pick out a Lifetime Fitness duffle bag. FOR FREE. Also, because Sarah and I gave him a hard time with math, he gave us $30 to spend in the Lifetime Cafe, which bought two smoothies, a black bean burger, and a chicken sandwich. (Confession: I didn't try to redeem the voucher until the next weekend. That's when I realized it had expired. I simply hunted down Jermaine and he gave me a new one.)(Jermaine doesn't think I'm a PITA at all.)

I took my temporary membership card and used it to lock up my stuff in the fabulous locker room (where I could have reclined on a couch and watched television if I'd been so inclined). Sarah and I went upstairs so I could embark upon my very first post-injury run.

I haven't attempted running in about 11 weeks. My last runs before my bone spur broke were a three mile tempo run, a ten mile long run, and a six mile run. I comfortably run a 5k in about 31 minutes. My half-marathon pace is 11:30 minute mile. Sarah suggested my first run back be a two minute run/one minute walk at a 12:00 minute per mile pace. My first honest thought was, "Dude, it's like I won't even be working out today." Then I hopped on the treadmill and reality smacked me in the face.

I was hyper aware of my body that first run. I was listening to my foot, my ankles, my hips; I was sensitive to every ping and creak in every muscle and ligament. All my bones and muscles held up; what gave me a hard time were my heart and lungs. Ohmylanta, I thought I was gonna die after a few of those two minute run intervals. My heart rate was in the upper 170's the whole run.

I ran/walked for a total of 33 minutes. (I also tagged on a five minute walk warm up and another five minute cool down.) Sarah was next to me on a treadmill doing one of her billion mile long runs, so I waved goodbye, went to stretch, and hit the showers. I felt appropriately humble.

After a week of enjoying the fine facilities of my new gym, I have graduated to four minute run/one minute walk intervals. It is getting easier. My heart rate is now hovering around 155, which is much closer to where I would prefer it during my runs. While I'm tempted to rush ahead with getting back to where I was, I'd much rather stay injury-free. Recovery is gonna be slooooow.

For now I'm enjoying my runs. I'm enjoying sweating again. I'm enjoying finding my groove (and performing Justin Timberlake hits while on stage at American Idol in my mind) while I run through Lifetime. I'm bringing sexy back, y'all.


  1. Yay gyms and fitness! I miss the gym. There aren't any close to us and so I'm left with self-led yoga practices and P90X. Lord help us all.

    1. I'm still so intrigued with P90X. I totally don't have the discipline for self-led yoga. Dude, I barely have the discipline for group yoga ;-)

  2. Gah I'm jealous of your locker. WANT THE LOCKER. Portland doesn't have lifetime, if they did I would consider joining. I learned a long time ago. You get what you paid for. Of course now i'm a crossfitter which means I'm paying out my pie hole for a gym with no heat and ummm a tire.........Wait. Wow..... good play crossFit, good play. Welcome back to running girlie, you totally got this!

    1. Lol - thanks, you crossfitter, you. I love that - paying for no heat and a tire ;-) But you are paying for what gives you awesome results, right?!
      Also, anytime you are in Michigan you can come with me to Lifetime and totally have your OWN locker. Because I *know people*.

  3. Yay!!! You're back!!! You will own it soon!!

    1. Thanks for the vote of encouragement, Steph! It is some *work* to get it back. Seriously. I can't wait to zone out and just run!


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