Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Monday, October 7, 2013

And they say that a hero could save us, I'm not gonna stand here and wait - Nickelback*

Eve: Mom, if I had a bunch of super powers, like, super strength and super flexibility, what would you do?

Kelly: Probably sell you. You'd be worth a lot of money.


Being a Super Hero is ruff.

If I was a Super Hero I would be Captain Patient Advocate (I'm still working on my name) and my super power would be Beating the System. It goes without saying that Rage Against the Machine would supply my theme music. I would be able to dance gracefully through red tape and get helpful, cheerful healthcare in a timely manner. (Feeling threatened yet, Big Insurance?) (Or, because I'm a non-partisan blogger, feeling threatened yet, Obamacare?)(Because *that* pot needed stirring, you know.)

I did not know there was such a void in our Super Hero collection until I experienced the need for such a hero. Superman is awesome, but can he get my husband an appointment with an actual physician on the same day we request one? And Ironman. Dude is amazingly good looking and aging remarkably well despite the *ahem* rough living in his past, but can he find a doctor who will take more than five minutes to treat my husband?

Thus the birth of a CPA* Super Hero dream.

*Now I'm truly convinced I need a new name. I'm taking suggestions immediately. The author of the chosen name receives: a sidekick costume that will rule, bragging rights, and a supporting role when the movie comes out.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining about all the care we've received just the "care" from our *Holy Ghost edit* Primary Care Physician. Even without Captain Patient Advocate we've sailed through the system with an ease I still cannot believe. Brian got sick on September 12th. That is the last day he worked, the last day he drove a car, and the last day he felt even remotely "normal". (Which is all relative, I know.)(I mean, the dude is married to me, so normal is subjective, right?) It is just under a month later and we have a diagnosis.

Brian has ... (this is where the Scooby-Doo reveal music goes) Vestibular Neuritis.

Vestibular Neuritis?! ZOINKS!

(Wow, drama much, Kel?)  (Um, have you ever read my blog?)

Basically, Brian caught a virus that attacked this tiny little nerve in his inner ear. This tiny little nerve controls balance for the entire body. This virus only took a few days to run it's course, but since it's departure he has been dealing with the damaging effects of the virus. And it's a destructive little sucker. If it were a volcano it would be Dante's Peak (which I totally watched this weekend).

Now Brian has to relearn balance. He is essentially learning to process all the stimuli his brain receives anew. No one knows how long this will take. The hope is that he will be retrained and return to a "new normal" within a month. (Although our doctor, because he is self-proclaimed hilarious, says, "Cancel your plans to walk a tightrope, because that will probably never happen." Haha.)(Whatever, Dude, you're not the boss of my Bucket List.)

The best way to retrain the brain is by resuming normal activities as much as possible. I immediately translated this to mean: Brian totally has to do the dishes again. Because honestly, we can all agree that has been the real trial here.

Thanks again for all the love and support. Thank you for words of encouragement, food, babysitting, and all the other forms of help that have been offered and delivered. We truly could not have survived this without all the help.


*Nickelback - I had to look up these lyrics because Nickelback sucks I don't fill my brain with crappy music other than the aforementioned Blurred Lines. I inadvertently left the web page of lyrics up and went to do some other business. That's when Brian sat down at the computer, found the Nickelback lyrics, and started planning an intervention. He confronted me with, "This is worse than finding porn, Kel." Point made, dear.

13 comments:

  1. haha I love it! I hope Brian feels better soon and yes, make him do the dishes!!!

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    1. Don't worry, Iva, I'm totally on it ;-) I hope you are feeling better, too!

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  2. So glad you have a diagnosis!! And someone to do the dishes!! :)

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    1. Me, too, Steph. Me too. On both fronts.

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  3. Kelly, this has been a tough trial to walk, but really is probably the best hoped for answer to Brian's condition. Lots worse went through this little mind of mine. I am glad that he will be and is on the road to recovery. Perhaps you two should buy a dishwasher.

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    1. Thanks so much, Lori. I was trying really hard not to worry or fear. We actually have a dishwasher. All this whining about dishes is really whining about washing pots and pans and other non-dishwasher items. Which means I have it even more rough than you thought ;-)

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  4. what a relief it must be to actually know the diagnosis! And it sounds like he will be back to normal very soon -- all the better.....and who knows, he just may be up on that tightrope before you know it!!

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    1. :) I would pay to see Brian on a tightrope!

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  5. Soooooooo glad to know you all have some answers and the end is in sight. We've been actively praying for him and were really concerned. But seriously, how dare Brian get in the way of our budding friendship and sabotage my chances of having little girls running around my house asap? Talk about selfish ;0). Hugs to all of you, Colleen-Giselle-Bianca and family

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    1. OHWord - I KNOW, RIGHT? We will need to visit soon, before the holidays take hold and render us all too busy for life :)

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  6. Did he happen to have a flu shot prior to symptoms?

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    1. No - was there a similar correlation? He is thankfully so much better!

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  7. Did he happen to have a flu shot prior to symptoms?

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