Not your average suburban mom. I’m more your typical, normal, commonplace, everyday, garden-variety suburban mom. With a thesaurus.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Conspiracy Theories - Kleenex Edition

There are a few undeniable signs that life is about to get menstrual. The first is the desire for a mass consumption of chocolate. Since I am currently on day 5 of a wheat, dairy, and sugar fast I've been able to satisfy that craving and move on. Haha. That was a joke because I'm thisclose to driving to the nearest store and snarfing every piece of candy I recognize - and even those I don't.


Another clear sign of the impending monthly is that I get a huge case of the Feels and cry over everything. I'd like to take a minute to thank Great Big World and Christina Aguilera for the timing of their hit song "Say Something". Having it dominate airwaves the same week I'm PMSing is genius. I'm pretty sure that song is being sponsored in part by Kleenex brand tissues. Well done, Kleenex.


-John Green
I'm also thanking for great timing this week = my library. Finally getting me to the front of the line for John Green's The Fault In Our Stars this specific week was stellar. For those unfamiliar with this work of art I suggest you read it immediately. It is a YA novel about a girl named Hazel Grace who has cancer. She is tethered to an oxygen machine at a cancer support group when she meets Augustus Waters. Their relationship will wreck you. Decimate. Couple this novel with Great Big World's "Say Something" and you know Kleenex (and BIG BROTHER*) played a part in in it all. 


(*This is no joke = on Tuesday I was twenty pages from finishing The Fault In Our Stars - which means I was sobbing like a baby because if you've read the book you know what just happened - when my telephone rang. Since I was a hot mess I checked Caller ID before I answered it because I reserve my hiccuping snot-filled voice for my most special friends. GUESS WHO WAS CALLING AT THAT EXACT SECOND?!?!

This, kids, is a land line telephone. It is what came after telephones that still had cords. If you look closely at my Caller ID (#baller) you will see the person calling me during the end scenes of The Fault In Our Stars was none other than CHILDREN'S CANCER.

Well done, Drones Spying On My House, well done.

In conclusion, remember Big Brother (and Kleenex) are always watching. 

8 comments:

  1. It's been on my reading list forever. I've never ever ever been a cry-er. EVER. I mean, except funerals and the like.

    But recently? Lawd. I cried watching a Budweiser commerical the other day (the one with the puppy?) And by "cried" I mean "sobbed hysterically for 15 minutes."

    Then, last night, I relayed the entire plot of Little Women to my husband and had to stop at the whole Beth thing because I was crying so hard I got the hiccups and almost threw up.

    What is wrong with me?!?!?!

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    1. Haha. You can guess my theory ;-)

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  2. I approached "A Fault in Their Stars" like a lifetime movie....I WILL NOT cry...I will not cry...I will not cry. Then there I am on MLK day at 9am sitting in the middle of my bed with snot running down my face. Ugh. Very good book! Sadly, no kleenex in sight so I had to high tail it to the bathroom!

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    1. Wasn't that book the best/worst?!?!

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  3. I have that book, but haven't started it yet...was planning to bring it on vacation, but perhaps I'll rethink that....no one wants to see me bawling as I sit around the pool! I didn't really even realize what it was about when I bought it, just heard it was good...thanks for the heads up!

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    1. It's a great book, just arrange your schedule accordingly ;-)

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  4. Just heard you on Half Size Me in an old podcast. Loved it and enjoyed this blog post! Thank you and keep them coming!!! So funny.

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    1. Thanks, Isaac! Welcome - it's great to have you here :)

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