Outed

Back by popular demand, it's Facebook Friday! This is a return to a Friday series I did in the early days of Sublurban Mama ... you know, back in 2012.  Some would say returning to it is "so last year" but I prefer to think of this as a throwback. A retro throwback.  I'm just that cool.

I was going to call this "I Came Out in 2012", but I thought that might give my mom/husband a heart attack.  (And by mom/husband I meant my mom and/or my husband, not that I'm married to my mom.) (Which would be weird, perv.)  One of the most common responses I got to this blog in the beginning was that it was so nice to know that I am as big of a nerd as I am.  I wasn't sure this was a compliment, but I've come to embrace the spirit behind it, meaning "it's really nice to know that even though you look like you've got your stuff together, you're really a hot mess on the inside ... just like everyone else".  There's a lot of comfort in knowing you aren't the only crazy one, you know? (You're welcome.)

So here is a collection of some of my more "I've totally got my stuff together" moments in Facebook history.

Facebook Statuses = I've Got This Edition

Some people call it "running out of gas", but I prefer to think of it as "giving the lawn a mohawk".

There is no cool way to play it off like you meant to sneeze out your gum. None.

The best way to clean up $12 worth of hypoallergenic, high efficiency laundry detergent spilled all over your wood floors? WITH YOUR TEARS.

One of the reasons I'm not a running coach is that the best way I've found to practice sprints is to sit down to Facebook and remember ten minutes later that you are also cooking bacon in the next room. 

P.S. BLT's are ready.

While I concede that it may have been a bit melodramatic to call Ezra chucking a matchbox car at my forehead a "car accident", either way I think I deserve some ice cream.

I think the best part of having a bunch of new clothes is that it considerably ups the odds of leaving the house with sales tags still in place. Today did not disappoint.

Just single-handedly stopped a freezer avalanche comprised mainly of Hot Pockets.

It could be a crumb from the super delicious confetti cookies you noshed while standing at the counter. Or it could be a stray piece of minced garlic leftover from your crockpot dinner prepping. Go ahead, give in to the temptation, because it's pretty irresponsible to (maybe) waste cookie crumbs.

But FYI - it's totally garlic.

Happy Friday, y'all!  See you Monday!