Confucius Says

New Year's Eve Chinese dinner is a tradition in our family.  I inhaled ate daintily like a lady sweet and sour chicken, an egg roll, and some fried rice.  It was delicious.  And by delicious I mean sub-par, but that's okay because we go to this particular restaurant for the company and the service, not for the food.  My children mainly go because it's illegal to leave them home alone for the fortune cookies.  I am more of an almond cookie girl, and so I steal the fortunes I want to claim from my children.  That way, I'm set with a fantastic future and they are left to "share the peace in your mind and not a piece of your mind."  Lay - ame.

This year I stole:

This is a reminder to stay away from the Tim Horton's drive-thru.  Instead, park and walk inside; that way you get some exercise.  I love this fortune because it reminds me of my standard for healthy living.  I must: maintain a level of fitness that includes regular (4-5 times a week) exercise and stay within my calorie budget (roughly 1600 calories a day).  This year my goal is to work on sleeping 7 hours a night and drinking three glasses of water a day (not including my water during workouts).  If I make those my non-negotiables, my "musts" if you will, then I can stick to them. 

I don't even know how this applies to me, but it had "warrior" in it, so obviously it was meant for me.  

Proof.  Kelly and Rose.  Full-on Warrior mode.

 Then: 

I stole this from Ezra, who is the last person on the face of the earth that needs to recharge.  If the kid was any more charged we would power our car with him. Instead, I'm claiming it and tried to sneak it so that Brian would think I for real got this and then I could have a Chinese fortune cookie backing up my continued argument that I need to spend a week in the Smokey Mountains all by myself.  But I'm sure this fortune will get all twisted up and I'll see it fulfilled when I find myself all alone and the closest I get to nature is the poop I am scrubbing from whatever surface my next potty-trainer sees fit to dump it.*

*Awesome Facebook status from my friend Joe:  Has your baby ever pooped so much that they had a poop tramp stamp? Yep, that just happened...

(Oh.my.word.  I snorted.  And yes, they totally have.)

And finally, the wisest fortune of them all and forever ruined by Flo Rida. 

"One of these things is not like the others..."